The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Andy the Marriage Counselor (1961)

Andy Griffith: Andy Taylor

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Barney enacts moves from a book on judo] 

  Andy Taylor : Go-o-olly! That must be some book. First time I ever saw a fellow get all wore out just readin'.

• Barney Fife : I see what you did wrong, now.

  Andy Taylor : Huh?

  Barney Fife : You was holdin' the knife in the wrong hand.

  Andy Taylor : Oh, I'm sorry. I'll try to be more considerate next time I attack you.

• Barney Fife : Throw the book at 'em.

  Andy Taylor : Wouldn't do any good. Jennie'd just pick it up and throw it back at Fred.

• Jennie Boone : How come you give me the real hard ones?

  Andy Taylor : 'Cause you're a lady.

• Andy Taylor : Well, I gave y'all a nickel every time you *did* play nice.

  Opie Taylor : I know, Pa. But Billy would rather play good games for nothin' than get a nickel for playin' nice. Sure is borin', Pa.

• Andy Taylor : Now, I'm not goin' to give you and Billy any more nickels for playin' nice, you hear?

  Opie Taylor : Really, Pa? We'll give back the nickels you already gave us.

  Andy Taylor : No, no. You - you - you just keep them. That's a mighty cheap price for learnin' that what looks like wrasslin' to one is dancin' to another.

  Opie Taylor : You want Billy and me to dance, Pa?

• Andy Taylor : [raising a toast]  My friends, we are gathered here this evenin' to mark the beginnin' of a new life. A life of peace and quiet and gettin' along, the beauty and joy of which you now know and I'm sure ain't never gonna forget. It ain't no more than fittin', then, that we express our appreciation: To you, Jennie, who made all this possible when you stopped needlin' and ridin' and railin' and harassin' and naggin' poor old Fred here.

  Jennie Boone : Now, hold on a minute, Sheriff! I never did all that much naggin'!

  Andy Taylor : Well, I'm sorry, Jennie. Uh, to - to you, then, Fred, who made all this happy life possible when you stopped comin' home all mean and nasty and awful.

  Fred Boone : Now, hold on, Sheriff! I may have come home out of sorts from time to time, but you got no call to say that I was mean and ornery!

  Andy Taylor : Uh, to, uh, to - to whoever was the worst!

• Barney Fife : What would you do if you was tryin' to arrest a dangerous criminal and he was comin' at you with a knife, but you was unarmed? What would you do?

  Andy Taylor : Uh, run.