Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

His and Her's (1973)

Nicholas Smith: Cuthbert Rumbold

Quotes 

• Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Captain Peacock?

  Captain Peacock : Yes, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Can I have a word?

  Captain Peacock : Certainly, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : What is that?

  Captain Peacock : A cup of tea, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I do not expect to find you of all people drinking tea in the department. The canteen is the place for that sort of thing.

  Captain Peacock : I got it from the cleaner, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : And they are paid to clean the place, not bring you tea.

  Captain Peacock : You misunderstand me, Sir. I took it away from them, at the same time complaining about the mess that the old bags were making.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I don't think you should refer to the cleaning staff as "old bags", Captain Peacock.

• Mr. Ernest Grainger : [Mr. Rumbold has just informed the staff that Mr. Grainger's central trouser display was removed to make way for a new perfume display] 

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Do you mean we're going to sell scent?

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Yes, you could put it like that.

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, if it's scent, why don't you clear some counter space in the ladies' department?

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Precisely. Mrs. Slocombe is already displaying far too much underwear.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you suggesting, Mr. Grainger, that I should remove my underwear and put perfume there instead?

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Are you suggesting that I should remove my trousers and put perfume there instead?

• Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I must point out that this is... a boardroom decision, and that the perfume in question is going to be on sale to both sexes, under the brand name of His and Hers.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Well, I'm not going to sell Her's, and I refuse to have anything to do with His.

• Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Please, please, please! Let's marshal all our facts, and find out precisely why this young lady left. Now, first of all, whose finger was it on the button that ruined the tape?

  Captain Peacock : Well, it was my finger, but it...

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : No, no, no, no. Just the facts. Now, how did the other voice come into it?

  Mr. Lucas : Well, I was talking through my hat, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Could you be more explicit?

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, there was a microphone in his hat, Sir.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I see. Why?

  Mr. Lucas : Ah, well... You see, Mr. Grainger said, "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?".

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Did you say that, Mr. Grainger?

  Mr. Ernest Grainger : Well, actually, Henry the Second said it.

  Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Perhaps I can explain. It wasn't Mr. Grainger who said it in the play, it was Becket. You remember, Mr. Rumbold, he got stabbed in the orchestra stalls.

  Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : That's why he got such a good round of applause.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Now, I may be dense... but has the play got to do with this girl leaving?

  Mr. Lucas : Ah, well, you see, Mr. Grainger drew our attention to the fact that Henry the Second wanted to get rid of Becket.

  Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Becket?

  Miss Shirley Brahms : Not Beckett from Hardware, no.

• Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Well, the pity of it is that the His and Hers perfume company, is a subsidiary of our firm, Grace Brothers.