- Darryl Driscoll: Captain, we just wanted to stop by, and say thanks to all of you for what you done not just for Marty and myself but for the whole neighborhood.
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: Having a little Bon Voyage party
- Det. Ron Harris: Aha, you brought your party hat.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Well, what brings you down Lieutenant?
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: I know it's your last day. I just thought, I'd drop by and share a few memories with you guys... .Bowling ?
- Capt. Barney Miller: Why not ? What can i do for you Scanlon?
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: Hey, I'm not a exactly a stranger, around here, you know -- I mean, I'm always dropping in , snooping around trying to get you guys on improper conduct, insubordination, moral turpitude, corruption. Hey, we had a lot of good times together, huh !
- Capt. Barney Miller: I'm really gone to miss them, Scanlon.
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: Yeah, sure. Hey, don't let me intrude.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Certainly not
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: Anyway... I guess I'll just head back downtown
- Capt. Barney Miller: Nice of you to drop in.
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: Oh, before I forget to mention it... . My hardiest congratulations on making Deputy Inspector
- Capt. Barney Miller: What?
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: You didn't know?
- Capt. Barney Miller: No I didn't.
- [Barney is congratulated by the farewell party]
- Lt. Ben Scanlon: And I had to be the one to tell him
- Officer Carl Levitt: Get out of my way, I got momentum.
- Melvin Jackson: All, right, come on, Jackson, just keep moving
- Melvin Jackson: Yeah, no big deal
- Det. Ron Harris: Yeah, I know that
- Capt. Barney Miller: What's going on ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Barn, this is Melvin Jackson. We caught him four blocks about four blocks from the intersection carrying that thing in a shopping cart. He already admitted to stealing the other 15.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Why ?
- Det. Ron Harris: He sells them to junk dealers.
- Melvin Jackson: They give me $12 a piece for them
- Capt. Barney Miller: Really ?
- Melvin Jackson: Hey, but this guy keeps on asking me questions like it has something to do with your sex life ? I mean, What can I get for $12 ?
- Det. Ron Harris: Take a seat. Right over there.
- Melvin Jackson: Ain't no big thing
- Det. Ron Harris: Yeah. Right. Come on.
- Capt. Barney Miller: What's going on here ?
- Bruno Bender: What do you think is going on, huh ? We're here to say thanks for deserting us.
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Okay, I'm ready. Uh... we're not getting split up. I mean, we're -- we're going to different places and -- and we may not see each other again. But, I think each of us got something special from each other. And we are nurture it and we are going to carry it with us for the rest of our lives.
- Det. Ron Harris: God, he is so much improved.
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: My yes
- Det. Ron Harris: While Wojo's thinking, uh... I'd just like to say that, um, I mean, come on, cops get transferred all the time, I mean, it's no big deal. But, I -- I -- I think it's been different with us. Something really special happened here.
- Capt. Barney Miller: Excuse me, is this the Detective Squad Room.
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Yeah... Come on,Your on the clock.
- Capt. Barney Miller: I'm Captain Miller. Can I help you ?
- Warren Gimble: Yes. I'm Warren Gimble, Willard Pharmaceutical. I am here in regard to our former Mr. Ebling.
- Carl Ebling: So they sent you, huh, Warren.
- Warren Gimble: Just, couldn't leave well enough alone, could you Carl ?
- Carl Ebling: There are 50,000 that aren't well enough to be left alone
- Warren Gimble: I... I don't know how to respond to that
- Warren Gimble: Oh, no... yeah, sure !
- Warren Gimble: I just don't understand him
- Capt. Barney Miller: You want to have a seat Mr. Gimble. Sergeant Wojciehowicz will give you a complaint to sign and Mr. Ebling will be remanded for trial.
- Warren Gimble: Trail ?
- Carl Ebling: Yeah, my trial. Where I let the whole world know that Willard Pharmaceutical does not give a damn.
- Warren Gimble: We do give a damn. That's why we may consider not pressing charges.
- Carl Ebling: Your not getting off that easy. If you want me to keep quiet, I want some cooperation with this thing, Warren.
- Warren Gimble: I told you Carl, it's too big of a gamble
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: If someone doesn't take the gamble Gimble, more people are going to get this stuff
- Warren Gimble: That's true
- Capt. Barney Miller: Sure, by the time they get it past the FDA and out on the market. You could have a epidemic. Hey!
- Capt. Barney Miller: Hey ! It could be. With a little luck, and illegal immigration being what it is. We'd probably at least break even. Maybe even make a few dollars.
- Warren Gimble: Let's keep a good thought.
- Warren Gimble: I will see you back at the lab. Bring those cultures with you !
- Capt. Barney Miller: Wojo, you want to turn Mr. Ebling loose.
- Inspector Frank Luger: Barney, here's your official orders for your men and this is for you Levine
- Officer Carl Levitt: For the last time Inspector Luger, it's Levitt, Carl E. Levitt
- Inspector Frank Luger: Correction. Sergeant Carl E. Levitt
- Officer Carl Levitt: Pardon me.
- Inspector Frank Luger: Your are to report to Captain Murtaugh, Detective Squad, 73rd Precinct
- Officer Carl Levitt: Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
- Det. Ron Harris: All right, Levitt, Congratulations
- Officer Carl Levitt: Woj
- Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz: Congratulations Carl
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Carl
- Inspector Frank Luger: Barn, I, uh... I guess there's not much to say, except, gentlemen, I salute you
- Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Thanks, alot Inspector
- [said in unison with Wojo and Levitt]
- Perlita Avilar: Goodbye, Captain Miller. Goodbye everyone. Please come to see us sometime
- Inspector Frank Luger: Please come to see us sometime
- Capt. Barney Miller: According to my calculations, the 12th precinct has ceased to exist
- Naomi Bender: Read the inscription, Bruno
- Bruno Bender: You telling me what to do ?
- Naomi Bender: I just suggesting