Batman (TV Series)

Flop Goes the Joker (1967)

Alan Napier: Alfred

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Alfred and the Joker are engaged in a swordfight] 

  Aunt Harriet Cooper : Alfred, be careful! The Joker's an arch-criminal!

  Alfred Pennyworth : I know, madam, but a very poor fencer.

  The Joker : You anglo-fink! I'll smash you to smidgens!

  Alfred Pennyworth : May I point out that smidgens is a childish effusion which should have no place even in so poor a vocabulary as yours, sir.

• The Joker : [entering Wayne Manor with Baby Jane tied up]  Where's Bruce Wayne?

  Alfred Pennyworth : Mr. Wayne is not at home, sir.

  The Joker : Too bad! I'll get my revenge later. Right now I'll settle for cash. Where's the safe?

  Alfred Pennyworth : My duties do not include aiding and abetting thievery.

  The Joker : [holds up a gun to Baby Jane's head]  Oh, no?

  Alfred Pennyworth : I see.

  [closes the door] 

  Alfred Pennyworth : This way, sir.

• The Joker : [Terrified from the up-and-down ride the Joker is getting on the batpole]  Help! Alfred, old pal! Have pity!

  Alfred Pennyworth : We Anglo-finks have a long memory.

  [Alfred then sends the terrified Joker down the pole again] 

  Alfred Pennyworth : One really shouldn't take pleasure in another creatures misfortunes, but, uh, occasionally, one may be forgiven for a slight twinge of satisfaction.

• The Joker : [after being shot back up the Bat Pole]  Someone get me off this crazy dumbwaiter! I can't breathe!

  Batman : Joker says he can't breathe, Alfred, why don't you give him some breathing space?

  Alfred Pennyworth : My pleasure, sir.

  [hits the down button on the Bat Pole elevator] 

  The Joker : Oh no! AHHHHHHHHHH! HEEEEELLLLLLP!

• [last lines] 

  Commissioner Gordon : Well, Alfred, it's not everyone who can have his very first efforts displayed at Park's.

  Alfred : Thank you, sir. The Joker and his paintings are in prison, and Alfred and his paintings are at Park's. A rather nice turn of events.

  Chief O'Hara : And very fine paintin's they are, too, Alfred.

  Alfred : You really think so, sir?

  Chief O'Hara : Oh, indeed, I do. Why, uh, they're masterpieces.

  Alfred : Then, perhaps you'd like to own one.

  Chief O'Hara : Yes, yes, I would, but, uh, I can't afford the price.

  Alfred : Oh, that's no obstacle, sir.

  [takes painting of mother and baby elephant off the wall and presents it to Chief O'Hara] 

  Alfred : Here, allow me to present you with this one as, er, as a token of my esteem.

  Chief O'Hara : Mother McCree.

• The Joker : Stand back! Stand back I say, or I'll --

  [finds the batpole switch] 

  The Joker : ahh! What's this?

  Alfred Pennyworth : Don't touch that!

  The Joker : [turns the switch]  Aha! A secret passage!

  [slides down the bat pole] 

  Batman : Alfred, what's happened?

  Alfred Pennyworth : I'm afraid the Joker accidentally tripped the batpole switch and mistook this for a secret passage, sir.

  Robin : Then he's down in the batcave.

  Alfred Pennyworth : Ah, he didn't quite make the batcave, Master Robin.

  Robin : Then where is he?

  Alfred Pennyworth : I believe he should be arriving presently.

  Batman : The emergency Bat Pole elevator. Fast thinking, Alfred.

  Alfred Pennyworth : Thank you, sir.

  [Joker is shot back up the Bat Pole]