- Daisy Moses: He's a Hollywood actor and I wouldn't trust none of 'em any further than I could fling a anvil.
- Jed Clampett: Make us proud of you, Jethro.
- Jethro Bodine: Oh, by the way, that ain't my name no more. Us movie stars gotta use tough-soundin' names like Biff Steel, Crunch Hardtack, Race Burley.
- Daisy Moses: You got one?
- Jethro Bodine: I thought myself up a dandy, Beef Jerky.
- Jed Clampett: If he eats her vittles, we'll never get him to the church.
- Daisy Moses: Oh he'll get to the church alright, but six of his friends will be totin' him in a box.
- Jed Clampett: Now Granny, it ain't that bad.
- Daisy Moses: It's so bad, Jethro won't eat it. You cain't get worse than that.
- Jethro Bodine: Wait'll you see her. She's purty as a mess of fried catfish.
- Jed Clampett: Granny, the boy's in love. Ain't no girl ever come up to fried catfish before.
- Jed Clampett: [to Jethro, returning from his stunt double work] You look like you been sortin' bobcats in a burnin' hayloft.
- Dash Riprock: Mr. Drysdale, money isn't everything.
- Jane Hathaway: Here here.
- [applauds]
- Milburn Drysdale: [points to the door] There there, out!
- Milburn Drysdale: Well Miss Hathaway, I have you to blame for this mess.
- Jane Hathaway: Well I didn't do anything.
- Milburn Drysdale: I know. I did. But fortunately, I have you to blame for it.
- Jethro Bodine: Hey wait, Debbie! You 'n me can still be sweethearts.
- Debbie Haber: Get lost, Jerky!
- Jethro Bodine: It's Bodine now.
- Debbie Haber: To me, you'll always be Jerky.