- Elly May Clampett: I dropped my cake on the kitchen table, and it busted into little pieces!
- Shorty Kellems: That's a shame, Elly.
- Jed Clampett: Well, I guess that'll keep outta the cake baking contest.
- Elly May Clampett: Oh, no sir. The cake's fine, it's the table I gotta sweep up.
- Daisy Moses: Bah! Big mouth attractive? Why that girl is so homey, if she dropped her handkerchief in a boy scout camp, she'd have to pick it up herself.
- Elverna Bradshaw: Victoria Rose is the belle of this county. Believe me, a lot of men are going to be miserable when she gets married.
- Daisy Moses: Really? How many men is she marryin'?
- Daisy Moses: Look who's callin' me a prune face. Why, you got so many wrinkles, your face could hold a 5-day rain!
- Elverna Bradshaw: I think I'll stroll over to the pavillion.
- Daisy Moses: Too bad Elly took the broom, you could ride.
- Elverna Bradshaw: I'm not going to stay here and be insulted.
- Daisy Moses: Well, if you'd rather go outside and be insulted, let's go!
- Jane Hathaway, Milburn Drysdale: Chief, what is the idea of the gorilla suit?
- Milburn Drysdale: The law of the jungle. The survival of the fittest.
- Jane Hathaway: What do you mean?
- Milburn Drysdale: I'm looking after a bear, a mountain lion, a chimpanzee and other assorted wild animals. They fight over the food. If I don't scare 'em, I don't eat.
- Jane Hathaway: Well that should certainly intimidate the fiercest beast.
- Milburn Drysdale: Well, there's one it doesn't phase. Oh, you've never heard such vicious snarling and growling. No other animal will go near the food until it's finished feeding.
- Jane Hathaway: What is it?
- Milburn Drysdale: It's a Jethro, that's what it is!
- Jane Hathaway: Well I have good news and bad news. Granny says they're not coming back. They're going to stay there and get Elly May a husband. And after she's married and settled down, the whole family might stay there.
- Milburn Drysdale: Oh boy. Okay, what's the good news?
- Jane Hathaway: That was it.
- Milburn Drysdale: That was the good news?
- Jane Hathaway: Wait till you hear the bad.
- Milburn Drysdale: Forget it. You couldn't possible top what you just said.
- Jane Hathaway: Granny wants you to send them their $85 million.
- Milburn Drysdale: You did it.
- Jed Clampett: Knowin' Elly's cakes, that thing must have weighed a ton.
- Shorty Kellems: It bowed the floor a might. It was sure pretty, Jed. Decorated so fancy with her name wrote across the top in icing, Elly May Clampett.
- Jed Clampett: There goes any chance of denyin' who dunnit.
- Shorty Kellems: Don't you worry, Jed. As pretty as Elly is, there'll be some young feller bid on that cake.
- Jed Clampett: Just so you don't bite on it.
- Daisy Moses: Who are you, lovely, talented girl.
- Elly May Clampett: My name is Elly May.
- Daisy Moses: Well Elly May, you sure do make a fine candle.
- Elly May Clampett: Thank you, ma'am.
- Daisy Moses: I bet you nobody here has ever seen anything shaped as good as that. And the candle ain't bad neither.