- Shad: Where's big Jethro?
- Jed Clampett: Jethro stayed back in Californy. He's goin' to college now.
- Shad: Do tell. What's he studyin'?
- Jed Clampett: Well, far as I can figure, it's mainly protestin'.
- Shad: What's he protestin'?
- Jed Clampett: Far as I can figure, it's mainly college.
- Shad: Then why is he goin'?
- Jed Clampett: Shad, that's as far as I can figure.
- Jed Clampett: [Shorty is behind the hotel desk with only his head and shoulders showing] By doggies, I don't remember you bein' that short.
- Shorty Kellems: I don't remember bein' this short myself.
- [looks down]
- Shorty Kellems: No wonder, I'm settin' down.
- Jethro Bodine: How 'bout some more of that white meat?
- Milburn Drysdale: That was my hand and keep away from it.
- Jed Clampett: She mean-mouths you one more time, I'm gonna have to turn you loose.
- Daisy Moses: May the bluebird of happiness flutter over your head, Elverna.
- Elverna Bradshaw: Are you gonna come down here or do I have to come up and get you? You snivelin' polecat.
- Jed Clampett: That did it, Granny. Go git her.