- Aunt Clara: Wouldn't you like to see my doorknob collection?
- Phyllis Stephens: I beg your pardon?
- Samantha Stephens: Aunt Clara collects doorknobs.
- Aunt Clara: I have three thousand.
- Phyllis Stephens: Do you know how to make Pineapple Upside Down Cake?
- Samantha Stephens: No, I don't.
- Phyllis Stephens: Then there are his hives.
- Samantha Stephens: I don't know how to make them either.
- Phyllis Stephens: No, no, dear. That's an allergy.
- Aunt Clara: Doorknobs are all very well, but they're not family. I count them when I'm lonely, but somehow today, you know they didn't seem to do the trick.
- Aunt Clara: Yes, I'm a witch. All of my family are. Sort of a family thing that has been handed down you know. But the witch game is not like it used to be. Oh, no. Now there was a time when you could cast a spell on someone, and they knew it. Not now. No, not now. Well, now, take the Yankees.
- Frank Stephens: The Yankees?
- Aunt Clara: Well, they lost two world series in a row, didn't they?
- Frank Stephens: You put a spell on them huh?
- Aunt Clara: Well Bertha and me, yeah. Well, i'm so glad you don't mind.
- Frank Stephens: Mind?
- Aunt Clara: About Samantha being one.
- Frank Stephens: Samantha's a witch too?
- Aunt Clara: Yes, yes, but she's trying to get away from it. Bothers Darrin.
- Aunt Clara: You know I think I've been putting on weight. I used to come down through a chimney as clean as a whistle.
- Aunt Clara: [runs into the wall] I used to go through a wall just like butter. I think I'll try the front door.
- Darrin Stephens: Am I disturbing anything Aunt Clara?
- Aunt Clara: Not at all. Not at all. I'm just polishing my doorknobs.