Black Books (TV Series)

Cooking the Books (2000)

Rupert Vansittart: Rich Guy

Quotes 

• Rich Guy : Those books. How much?

  Bernard : Hmmm?

  Rich Guy : Those books. The leather-bound ones.

  Bernard : Yes, Dickens, the Collected Works of Charles Dickens.

  Rich Guy : Are they real leather?

  Bernard : They're real Dickens.

  Rich Guy : I have to know if they're real leather because they have to go with the sofa.

  [Bernard looks confused] 

  Rich Guy : Everything else in my house is real. I'll give you two hundred for them.

  Bernard : Two hundred what?

  Rich Guy : Two hundred pounds.

  Bernard : Are they leather-bound pounds?

  Rich Guy : No.

  Bernard : Sorry. I need leather bound pounds to go with my wallet. Next.

• Bernard : [speaking through a megaphone]  Right, the shop is closed, everybody get out! Time to go home, come on!

  Old Woman : But it's only quarter to three!

  Bernard : Yes, but it's my shop.

  [now shooing them out with a broom] 

  Bernard : Come on, go home, bye bye, get out...

  Old Woman : That's hardly fair!

  Bernard : It isn't fair at all. Get out!

  Rich Guy : I expect better service!

  Bernard : Well, expect away. Goodbye! Come on, all you time-wasting bastards, back on the streets. Thank you!

  [slams door]