- It's Christmas day and Richie is cooking the dinner to which Dave Hedgehog and Spudgun are invited. Dinner is not up to Michelin standard, but Richie's day improves when he finds out he is the son of God.
- Richie and Eddie invite Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog to join them for Christmas dinner. During the fun and games, Richie finds a baby boy on the doorstep and believes that the baby is Jesus; Eddie, Spudgun, and Dave Hedgehog are the Three Wise Men; and he is the Chosen One who has been kept pure by God.—Daniel Williamson
- -Includes scenes from the extended cut.
Christmas morning at 4:30. Richie sneaks into Eddie's room dressed as Santa and leaves stockings on the fireplace, he helps himself to a sherry bottle that Eddie left out, but Eddie drank it all, Richie puts the bottle back and triggers a trap getting hit with various objects and caught in a noose, Eddie is awake and offers to cut him down for some money which Richie obliges. Eddie cuts him down and Richie hobbles out with a leg injury. Seconds later Richie reappears looking for their presents, a stocking containing the food needed for Christmas lunch, Eddie gives Richie a play-telescope made from a used toilet roll, inside is an image of Sue Carpenter. Richie gives Eddie a badly made self-portrait, they ponder places to put it, Eddie has the perfect place.
Downstairs Eddie is directing Richie's portrait, once in place Eddie takes it and smashes it over Richie. Richie gets to work on the lunch while Eddie sets the decorations, Richie starts with the brandy butter but Eddie drank the brandy, in its place Eddie made vodka margarine. Richie decides on table places for the guests, Eddie's friends Spudgun and Dave Hedgehog. Richie asks if Eddie got the money needed for the meal off them, which he spent on the brandy. A frustrated Richie scolds Eddie for his lack of contributions to the Christmas preparations, he didn't even buy a tree, Eddie did, he brings it in, it's in tatters.
Richie returns to preparing lunch and not looking at what he's doing cuts off his finger, Eddie staples it back on. The food is nearly ready and Eddie has decorated the tree with lights, when he switches them on the tree catches fire and it's thrown out the window, Eddie accidentally shuts the window on Richie's wounded finger, as punishment Richie electrocutes Eddie's groin.
The guests arrive and they're served drinks, cold gravy, Eddie drank all the sherry. They take places at the table and Richie serves the food, the potatoes are hard enough to shatter the plates, the turkey is burned to a crisp, Richie smears the vodka margarine on the pudding and lights it, it goes up in flames and Eddie extinguishes it.
Richie changes to the mood to party games, having opened some crackers Eddie and his friends are wearing paper crowns, Richie is trying to play Charades but the others don't know how to play. The doorbell rings and Richie answers it, finding a baby in a carry cot, believing it abandoned Richie takes it in and makes him laugh by making silly faces with a blue towel on his head. Spudgun takes pity on the baby and offers his present, a box of Terry's All's Gold, Eddie offers his Frankenstein's monster mask and Hedgehog offers a bottle of aftershave named "Grrr."
Richie sees a pattern, Eddie and his friends as three kings bearing gifts and himself wearing a blue headscarf, Richie believes himself the mother of God. He asks them all to pray with him and the baby soils itself very loudly. Richie goes to change him and the stench causes gag reflexes in all of them, Richie asks Eddie to get a mop, a bucket and some bleach, Spudgun intervenes because one cannot put bleach on a baby.
Spudgun has changed the baby, Richie wonders if he should canonize Spudgun for his kindness, Hedgehog is searching for the Pope's phone number in the Yellow Pages, Richie spots Eddie drinking and orders him stop in the presence of the new Messiah. Eddie's not going to let some miracle ruin his Christmas, Richie warns him that God will punish him for it and everyone should worship him, the landlord, Mr Harrison waltzes in asking for his grandson. His daughter left him there to visit her mother in hospital having suffered a heart attack. Mr Harrison is about to leave with his grandson when his daughter walks in, the baby needs breastfeeding and she asks if she can in their living room which they willing allow.
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