- Chris Morris: You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.
- [pause, everyone shocked]
- Chris Morris: Thanks.
- David Jatt: Why do a lot of people not believe that wasps sting?
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: Well, come out into our garden in South Bucks, on a summer's day and I'll find you a wasp and...
- David Jatt: Sting me with it...?
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: What?
- David Jatt: You'd sting me with a wasp?
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: This is a conversation...
- David Jatt: Yes.
- Nicholas Parsons: [visually edited from a poem about a "trapped elephant"] Aren't we a bunch of fuckwits? An elephant could no more stick its trunk up its arse than we could lick our balls.
- Chris Morris: In Britain in the last century, it was quite acceptable for a gentleman to lose his virginity to one of London's many whore dogs. Dickens and Prince Albert both boasted of their experience.
- Chris Morris: Institutionalised cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is quite another. Ted Maul disturbs.
- Michael Van Wijk: Urgent news - Karla has started to ingest her own head. Her dung pump mechanism has blown. There's bloody vegetable gas everywhere. For God's sake, help us pull her trunk out.
- David Jatt: This is the grave of a cow. As you will see, it was killed in unnecessary pain, by a man.
- Chris Morris: In ancient Egypt, felines were worshiped because the Egyptians thought they were funny.
- Michael Van Wijk: [referring to an elephant with its trunk lodged in its anus] She needs Wolf power or she will explode in a shower of pulped yams.
- David Jatt: Here's a point. We execute wasps but we don't execute dogs.
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: We execute wasps because they sting us, and dogs give us pleasure.
- David Jatt: Do wasps really sting us?
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: Well, they do. They have stung me and it seemed like a sting.
- David Jatt: Was it really a sting?
- Sir Peregrine Worsthorne: Err, I call it a sting.
- David Jatt: I've never... been stung by a wasp. I don't necessarily believe - we're told they sting.
- Simon Hottrin: [talking to a cow] You don't even know what electricity is, do ya? Little planets in the wires...
- Dr. Jonathan Kwattes: What do crocodiles eat? Natalie...
- Pupil: Other animals.
- [punches her in the face]
- Dr. Jonathan Kwattes: No, they eat grass!
- Chris Morris: After 13 years of fighting weasels, Bernard Lerring suffered a compound nervous breakdown.