Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)
Doppelgangland (1999)
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Buffy Summers
Photos
Quotes
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[the gang looks at the vampire version of Willow from an alternate reality]
Rupert Giles : It's extraordinary.
Willow Rosenberg : It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... And I think I'm kinda gay.
Buffy Summers : Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.
Angel : Well, actually...
[pauses as Willow and Buffy look at him]
Angel : That's a good point.
-
Willow Rosenberg : It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?
Xander Harris : Will, we saw you at the Bronze... A vampire.
Willow Rosenberg : I'm not a vampire.
Buffy Summers : You are. I-I mean you-you-you were... Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Rupert Giles : Well, uh, something... something, um, very strange is happening.
Xander Harris : Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?
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Buffy Summers : Are you okay in that?
Willow Rosenberg : [dressed as Vamp Willow] It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe.
[looks down into her low-cut shirt]
Willow Rosenberg : Gosh, look at those!
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Buffy Summers : Will, wait. I'm really sorry.
Willow Rosenberg : Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.
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[last lines]
Buffy Summers : You wanna go out tonight?
Willow Rosenberg : Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin.
Buffy Summers : You know, you can OD on virtue.
Willow Rosenberg : Between me and my evil self, I have double guilt coupons. I see now where the path of vice leads. I mean, she messed up everything she touched. I don't ever wanna be like that.
[Percy, who had previously been attacked by Willow, actually Vamp Willow, when he asked about doing his homework, walks up]
Percy West : Hey. Uh, hi.
Willow Rosenberg : [Willow still thinking she has to do his homework] Oh, hi, listen, I didn't have a chance...
Percy West : Okay, so, I did the outline for the paper on Roosevelt. It turns out there were two President Roosevelts, so I didn't know exactly which one to do, so I did both. Um, and I know they're kinda-kinda short, but, um, I can flesh them out. Oh, and-and here's the bibliography. Um, and I can retype that if you want. You just let me know what I did wrong and I'll get on that.
[Percy leaves comes back with an apple for Willow and leaves again]
Buffy Summers : You wanna go out tonight?
Willow Rosenberg : Nine sound good?
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Xander Harris : Willow, did you remember to tape "Biography" last Friday?
Willow Rosenberg : Uh-huh.
Buffy Summers : See, I told you. Old Reliable.
Willow Rosenberg : Oh, thanks.
Buffy Summers : What?
Willow Rosenberg : Old Reliable? Yeah, great. There's a sexy nickname.
Buffy Summers : Well, I-I didn't mean it as...
Willow Rosenberg : No, it's fine. I'm Old Reliable.
Xander Harris : She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
Willow Rosenberg : That's Old Faithful.
Xander Harris : Isn't that the dog that-that the guy had to shoot...
Willow Rosenberg : That's Old Yeller!
Buffy Summers : Xander, I beg you not to help me.
-
Buffy Summers : Willow, you're alive.
Willow Rosenberg : Aren't I usually?
-
[Giles, Willow, Xander and Buffy in the library discussing Vamp Willow]
Willow Rosenberg : This is creepy. I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me.
Xander Harris : Not looks like... is.
Buffy Summers : It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix... as far as we know.
Willow Rosenberg : Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.
Xander Harris : Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
Buffy Summers : Oh, yeah.
[Giles raises his hand]
Angel : [rushing in] Buffy, I... S-Something's happened that... Willow's dead.
[no one looks surprised]
Angel : [Angel sees Willow] Hey, Willow.
[takes another look at her]
Angel : Wait a second...
Xander Harris : We're right there with you, buddy.
Buffy Summers : We saw her, too, at the Bronze.
Angel : Okay. Uh, she's there now with a cadre of vampires looking to party.
Buffy Summers : We can figure out who she is after we stop the feeding frenzy.
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Buffy Summers : So he threatened you? With what?
Willow Rosenberg : Well, it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes.
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Buffy Summers : I know Faith's not gonna be on the cover of Sanity Fair, but... she had it rough. Different circumstances, that could be me.
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Buffy Summers : Now, you're sure you're up to this?
Willow Rosenberg : Don't worry. I won't do anything that could be interpreted as brave.
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Buffy Summers : [Buffy is doing crunches and Willow is making a pencil spin in midair] The Watcher Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic...
[grunts then sits up]
Buffy Summers : He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist.
Willow Rosenberg : Ooo, I used to want... Wait. Florist means crazy, right?
[looks back at her pencil]
Willow Rosenberg : I never wanted to do that.
Buffy Summers : [Buffy looks at the pencil] Neat.
Willow Rosenberg : Thanks. It's all about emotional control. Plus, obviously, magic.
[looks at Buffy]
Willow Rosenberg : Hey, you wanna go to the Espresso Pump and get sugared up on mochas?
Buffy Summers : I'm gonna pass. Hit the pool and do some laps.
Willow Rosenberg : How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff?
[giggles]
Willow Rosenberg : Buff buff.
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Vamp Willow : [has just shoved Percy after he tried to intimidate her; he's landed on the pool table and done a reverse somersault to the floor] I'm having an awful night.
[grabs Percy by the neck and hauls him to a standing position]
Vamp Willow : You want to make it better?
[Percy struggles and grabs her neck, both uselessly]
Xander Harris : [addressing some onlookers to Percy and Vamp Willow's altercation] What's going on? Is there a funny thing?
[Sees what he thinks is Percy attacking Willow and rushes over]
Xander Harris : Back off!
[throws Percy to the floor]
Xander Harris : Stay the hell away from her!
Percy West : Okay - sure!
[scrambles away]
Vamp Willow : Xander!
Xander Harris : Will.
[taking in her black-leather-and-frill outfit]
Xander Harris : Changing the look not an idle threat with you.
Vamp Willow : You're alive!
[starts hugging Xander]
Xander Harris : Ah, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here. Don't want to fall back into bad habits...
[Vamp Willow's arms slide all the way down his back]
Xander Harris : Hands!
[steps back]
Xander Harris : Hands in new places!
Vamp Willow : You're *alive*.
Xander Harris : You mentioned that before. Will, are you okay?
Vamp Willow : [sadly] No. Everything's different.
Buffy Summers : [walking up] There you are.
Xander Harris : Hey, Buff.
Buffy Summers : Aren't you going to introduce me to your... holy god, you're Willow.
Vamp Willow : [to Buffy] *You*
Buffy Summers : You know what? I-I like the look. It's..um... it's extreme, but it looks good, you know? It's a leather thing. And, uh...
[to Xander]
Buffy Summers : I said "extreme" already, right?
Vamp Willow : [menacingly] I don't like you.
Buffy Summers : Will, I'm sorry about today. You know my foot likes to live in my mouth, but you know, you really didn't have to prove anything.
Vamp Willow : Leaving now
[turns away]
Xander Harris : Will, gotta say, not loving the new you.
-
Xander Harris : So, uh, what do we do now?
Rupert Giles : We still have to get to the Bronze.
Angel : Well, even if they're supposed to wait for her they may start feeding. Vampires are not notoriously reliable.
Xander Harris : [Hopefully] So we charge in, much in the style of John Wayne?
Rupert Giles : High casualty risk. I haven't any other plan, though.
Buffy Summers : [Raises her hand] Uh, I have a really bad idea.