Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Doppelgangland (1999)

Alyson Hannigan: Willow Rosenberg

Photos 

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Quotes 

• [the gang looks at the vampire version of Willow from an alternate reality] 

  Rupert Giles : It's extraordinary.

  Willow Rosenberg : It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... And I think I'm kinda gay.

  Buffy Summers : Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was.

  Angel : Well, actually...

  [pauses as Willow and Buffy look at him] 

  Angel : That's a good point.

• Willow Rosenberg : It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did ya?

  Xander Harris : Will, we saw you at the Bronze... A vampire.

  Willow Rosenberg : I'm not a vampire.

  Buffy Summers : You are. I-I mean you-you-you were... Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?

  Rupert Giles : Well, uh, something... something, um, very strange is happening.

  Xander Harris : Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

• Buffy Summers : Are you okay in that?

  Willow Rosenberg : [dressed as Vamp Willow]  It's a little binding. I guess vampires really don't have to breathe.

  [looks down into her low-cut shirt] 

  Willow Rosenberg : Gosh, look at those!

• Vamp Willow : This world's no fun.

  Willow Rosenberg : You noticed that, too?

• Buffy Summers : Will, wait. I'm really sorry.

  Willow Rosenberg : Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.

• Willow Rosenberg : [impersonating Vamp Willow]  This girl has a history of mental problems dating back to early childhood. I'm a blood-sucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

• Percy West : [bumping into Vamp Willow]  Hey... Rosenberg? What are you doing, trick-or-treating? You're supposed to be at home doing my history report. I flunk that class, you're in big trouble with Snyder. Till we graduate, I own your ass.

  Vamp Willow : Bored now.

  [shoves Percy across the room] 

• Anya : I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in *Hell*?

• [last lines] 

  Buffy Summers : You wanna go out tonight?

  Willow Rosenberg : Strangely, I feel like staying at home... and doing my homework... and flossing... and dying a virgin.

  Buffy Summers : You know, you can OD on virtue.

  Willow Rosenberg : Between me and my evil self, I have double guilt coupons. I see now where the path of vice leads. I mean, she messed up everything she touched. I don't ever wanna be like that.

  [Percy, who had previously been attacked by Willow, actually Vamp Willow, when he asked about doing his homework, walks up] 

  Percy West : Hey. Uh, hi.

  Willow Rosenberg : [Willow still thinking she has to do his homework]  Oh, hi, listen, I didn't have a chance...

  Percy West : Okay, so, I did the outline for the paper on Roosevelt. It turns out there were two President Roosevelts, so I didn't know exactly which one to do, so I did both. Um, and I know they're kinda-kinda short, but, um, I can flesh them out. Oh, and-and here's the bibliography. Um, and I can retype that if you want. You just let me know what I did wrong and I'll get on that.

  [Percy leaves comes back with an apple for Willow and leaves again] 

  Buffy Summers : You wanna go out tonight?

  Willow Rosenberg : Nine sound good?

• Xander Harris : Willow, did you remember to tape "Biography" last Friday?

  Willow Rosenberg : Uh-huh.

  Buffy Summers : See, I told you. Old Reliable.

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh, thanks.

  Buffy Summers : What?

  Willow Rosenberg : Old Reliable? Yeah, great. There's a sexy nickname.

  Buffy Summers : Well, I-I didn't mean it as...

  Willow Rosenberg : No, it's fine. I'm Old Reliable.

  Xander Harris : She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.

  Willow Rosenberg : That's Old Faithful.

  Xander Harris : Isn't that the dog that-that the guy had to shoot...

  Willow Rosenberg : That's Old Yeller!

  Buffy Summers : Xander, I beg you not to help me.

• [discussing the ethics of boyfriend stealing] 

  Cordelia Chase : And, okay, it isn't even like I was that attracted to Xander. It was more just that we kept being put in these life or death situations, and that's always all sexy and stuff... I mean, I more or less knew he was a loser, but that doesn't make it okay for you to come around and...

  [notices a bored-looking Vamp Willow staring at her] 

  Cordelia Chase : What? Do I have something on my neck?

  Vamp Willow : Not yet.

• Willow Rosenberg : [impersonating Vamp Willow]  A human? Oh, yeah? Could a human do this?

  [screams] 

  Anya : [speaking at same time]  Sure. Yeah. Humans do that. Yeah.

  Alfonse : [speaking at same time]  Yeah. Yeah. I think yeah.

• Buffy Summers : Willow, you're alive.

  Willow Rosenberg : Aren't I usually?

• [Giles, Willow, Xander and Buffy in the library discussing Vamp Willow] 

  Willow Rosenberg : This is creepy. I don't like the thought that there's a vampire out there that looks like me.

  Xander Harris : Not looks like... is.

  Buffy Summers : It was exactly you, Will, every detail. Except for your not being a dominatrix... as far as we know.

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.

  Xander Harris : Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?

  Buffy Summers : Oh, yeah.

  [Giles raises his hand] 

  Angel : [rushing in]  Buffy, I... S-Something's happened that... Willow's dead.

  [no one looks surprised] 

  Angel : [Angel sees Willow]  Hey, Willow.

  [takes another look at her] 

  Angel : Wait a second...

  Xander Harris : We're right there with you, buddy.

  Buffy Summers : We saw her, too, at the Bronze.

  Angel : Okay. Uh, she's there now with a cadre of vampires looking to party.

  Buffy Summers : We can figure out who she is after we stop the feeding frenzy.

• Willow Rosenberg : [to Buffy about Principal Snyder]  I just hate the way he bullies people. He just assumes everyone's time is his.

  Rupert Giles : Willow, get on the computer. I want you to take another pass at accessing the mayor's files.

  Willow Rosenberg : [cheerily]  Okay.

• Vamp Willow : This is a dumb world. In my world, there are people in chains and we can ride them like ponies.

• [Willow and Vamp Willow meet for the first time] 

  Vamp Willow : Well, look at me. I'm all fuzzy.

  Willow Rosenberg : What do I want with you? Uh...

  Vamp Willow : Your little school friend Anya said that you're the one that brought me here... She said that you could get me back to my world.

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh... Oh! Oops.

• Buffy Summers : So he threatened you? With what?

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, it wasn't exactly anything he said. It was all in his eyes. I mean, there was some nostril work as well, but mostly eyes.

• Vamp Willow : You made me cranky.

  Alfonse : There's been a mistake here. We were sent after a human.

  Vamp Willow : Really? Who do you work for?

  Alfonse : I'm not telling you a thing.

  [Vamp Willow breaks one of Alfonse's fingers] 

  Vamp Willow : Who do you work for?

  Alfonse : Wilkins. The mayor.

  [Vamp Willow breaks another of Alfonse's fingers] 

  Vamp Willow : Who do you work for?

  Alfonse : You.

  Vamp Willow : Get your friends. Bring them here. The world's no fun anymore. We're going to make it the way it was. Starting with the Bronze.

• Anya : Uh, Willow?

  Willow Rosenberg : Uh, hi.

  Anya : Anya. I'm sort of new here. Um, I know Cordelia.

  Willow Rosenberg : Oh, fun.

  Anya : Yeah. Um, listen, I-I have this little project I'm working on, and I heard you were the person to ask if...

  Willow Rosenberg : Yeah, that's me. Reliable dog geyser person.

• Willow Rosenberg : [impersonating Vamp Willow]  Okay, let's get to the killing. Why don't we start with her?

  Anya : Why don't we start with you? If she's a vampire, then I'm the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

• Buffy Summers : Now, you're sure you're up to this?

  Willow Rosenberg : Don't worry. I won't do anything that could be interpreted as brave.

• Willow Rosenberg : Okay, that's a little blacker than I like my arts.

  Anya : Oh, don't be such a wimp.

  Willow Rosenberg : That-That-That wasn't just some temporal fold, that was some weird Hell place. I don't think you're telling me everything.

• Buffy Summers : [Buffy is doing crunches and Willow is making a pencil spin in midair]  The Watcher Council shrink is heavy into tests. He's got tests for everything. T.A.T.s, Rorschach, associative logic...

  [grunts then sits up] 

  Buffy Summers : He even has that test to see if you're crazy that asks if you ever hear voices or you ever wanted to be a florist.

  Willow Rosenberg : Ooo, I used to want... Wait. Florist means crazy, right?

  [looks back at her pencil] 

  Willow Rosenberg : I never wanted to do that.

  Buffy Summers : [Buffy looks at the pencil]  Neat.

  Willow Rosenberg : Thanks. It's all about emotional control. Plus, obviously, magic.

  [looks at Buffy] 

  Willow Rosenberg : Hey, you wanna go to the Espresso Pump and get sugared up on mochas?

  Buffy Summers : I'm gonna pass. Hit the pool and do some laps.

  Willow Rosenberg : How come the sudden calisthenics? Aren't you sort of naturally buff, Buff?

  [giggles] 

  Willow Rosenberg : Buff buff.

• [Vamp Willow, dressed in Willow's clothes, storms into the Bbronze and throws Oz and Devon out of her way to Willow] 

  Willow Rosenberg : No more snuggles?

  [Vamp Willow punches Willow and sends her flying into the drum set] 

• Willow Rosenberg : [impersonating Vamp Willow]  She bothered me. She's so weak and accommodating... She's always letting people walk all over her, and then she gets cranky with her friends for no reason. I just couldn't let her live.

• Willow Rosenberg : [entering Bronze disguised as Vamp Willow]  Hi! I'm back!

  [realizes she's not acting like Vamp Willow and puts on a more serious expression] 

  Alfonse : Did you find the girl?

  Willow Rosenberg : Yep. I did.

  Anya : Where is she?

  Willow Rosenberg : I killed her. And sucked her blood... .as we vampires do.

• Vamp Willow : [has just shoved Percy after he tried to intimidate her; he's landed on the pool table and done a reverse somersault to the floor]  I'm having an awful night.

  [grabs Percy by the neck and hauls him to a standing position] 

  Vamp Willow : You want to make it better?

  [Percy struggles and grabs her neck, both uselessly] 

  Xander Harris : [addressing some onlookers to Percy and Vamp Willow's altercation]  What's going on? Is there a funny thing?

  [Sees what he thinks is Percy attacking Willow and rushes over] 

  Xander Harris : Back off!

  [throws Percy to the floor] 

  Xander Harris : Stay the hell away from her!

  Percy West : Okay - sure!

  [scrambles away] 

  Vamp Willow : Xander!

  Xander Harris : Will.

  [taking in her black-leather-and-frill outfit] 

  Xander Harris : Changing the look not an idle threat with you.

  Vamp Willow : You're alive!

  [starts hugging Xander] 

  Xander Harris : Ah, Will, this is verging on naughty touching here. Don't want to fall back into bad habits...

  [Vamp Willow's arms slide all the way down his back] 

  Xander Harris : Hands!

  [steps back] 

  Xander Harris : Hands in new places!

  Vamp Willow : You're *alive*.

  Xander Harris : You mentioned that before. Will, are you okay?

  Vamp Willow : [sadly]  No. Everything's different.

  Buffy Summers : [walking up]  There you are.

  Xander Harris : Hey, Buff.

  Buffy Summers : Aren't you going to introduce me to your... holy god, you're Willow.

  Vamp Willow : [to Buffy]  *You*

  Buffy Summers : You know what? I-I like the look. It's..um... it's extreme, but it looks good, you know? It's a leather thing. And, uh...

  [to Xander] 

  Buffy Summers : I said "extreme" already, right?

  Vamp Willow : [menacingly]  I don't like you.

  Buffy Summers : Will, I'm sorry about today. You know my foot likes to live in my mouth, but you know, you really didn't have to prove anything.

  Vamp Willow : Leaving now

  [turns away] 

  Xander Harris : Will, gotta say, not loving the new you.