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Memorable quotes for
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" Go Fish (1998)

Cordelia: It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!

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Buffy: I'm a swim groupie.
Gage Petronzi: Uh-ha.
Buffy: Oh, yeah, you know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.

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[Xander is wearing a speedo]
Xander: I'm undercover.
Buffy: Not under much.

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[Cordelia thinks Xander has turned into a fish monster]
Cordelia: I want you to know that I still care about you, no matter what you look like. And-and we can still date. Or-or not. I mean, I understand if you wanna see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better, whether that means little bath toys or whatever.

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Buffy: Tell me what's in the steam!
Coach Carl Marin: After the fall of the Soviet Union, documents came into light detailing experiments with fish DNA in their Olympic swimmers. Tarpon... mako shark... But they couldn't crack it.
Buffy: And you did... sort of. Why?
Coach Carl Marin: What kind of question is that? For the win! To make my team the best they could be! Do you understand we have a shot at the State Championship?
Buffy: Do you understand that I don't care? It's over. There's not gonna be any Swim Team.
Coach Carl Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did ya?
Coach Carl Marin: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity.
[the Coach pulls out a pistol and points it at Buffy]
Buffy: [shocked] ... Which you obviously skipped.

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[Buffy has been thrown into a sewer system containing growling monsters]
Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs - that I "did it" with the entire Swim Team.

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[first lines]
Xander: All I'm saying is, it's a stupid idea to have a victory party at the beach.

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[last lines]
Rupert Giles: The-the people from Animal Control have just left. Our creatures have apparently made a-a dash for it. Um, so to speak.
Willow: Does that mean we're gonna have to hunt them again?
Buffy: No, I don't think so. I don't think we'll be seeing them any more.
Rupert Giles: Where do you think they'll go?
Buffy: Home.
[Cut to the ocean, where large waves are rolling in. The three monsters are in the surf and begin to swim out to sea]

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Willow: So we're lookin' for a beasty.
Rupert Giles: That, uh, eats humans whole, except for the skin.
Buffy: This doesn't make any sense.
Xander: Yeah, the skin's the best part.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol?
[Giles looks at her thoroughly un-amused]
Buffy: You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.

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Xander: Sure, the discus throwers got the best seats at *all* the crucifixions.

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Buffy: [watching Coach Marin being devoured by his 'team'] Those boys really love their coach.

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Willow: Dodd McAlvy, torn tendon. Gage Petronzi, fractured wrist, depression, headaches...
Buffy: It's all there in the school medical records.
Willow: All symptomatic of steroid abuse.
Xander: But is steroid abuse usually linked with 'Hey I'm a fish'?

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Gage Petronzi: That stupid bitch.
Angelus: You have got to be talking about Buffy.
Gage Petronzi: How did you know?
Angelus: She + I had this... thing once, biggest mistake of my life.
Gage Petronzi: Yeah, my condolences dude.
Angelus: Shes a real head tripper.
Gage Petronzi: Tell me about it, girl acts like shes gods gift or something.
Angelus: Who is she, The Chosen One?
Gage Petronzi: Exactly.
Angelus: What she really needs is for someone to knock her down off her notches.
Gage Petronzi: That would be sweet. Anybody in mind?
Angelus: You in luck my friend...
[Gage looks behind him Angel isn't there, then he looks in front of him]
Angelus: Just so happens I'm a crotty.
Buffy, Gage Petronzi: [Gage starts screaming for help because Angelus is biting him and Buffy comes out of the Bronze]
Gage Petronzi: Ahhh... Buffy help!
[Angel spits out Gage's blood]
Angelus: Ahh... Miss Summers you look beautiful.
[Angel throws Gage at Buffy and he runs off and they get up]
Gage Petronzi: Was that the thing that killed Cameron?
Buffy: No, that was something else.
Gage Petronzi: Something else?
Buffy: Yeah we have a lot of something elses in this town. Good night.
[Walks away]
Gage Petronzi: Hey...
[runs up to Buffy]
Gage Petronzi: Walk me home?

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Gage Petronzi: What a psycho bitch, man.
Angelus: [Angelus comes out from behind a pile of crates] Gotta be talking about Buffy.
Gage Petronzi: [stops and faces him] How'd you know?
Angelus: Uh, she and I... had this thing once. Biggest mistake of my life.
Gage Petronzi: Yeah. My condolences, dude.
[turns and goes]
Angelus: [follows] She's a real head-tripper.
Gage Petronzi: Tell me about it. Girl acts like she's God's gift or something.
Angelus: Who is she? The Chosen One?
Gage Petronzi: Exactly.
Angelus: You know, what she really needs is for someone to really knock her down off her notches.
Gage Petronzi: Yeah, that'd be sweet. Anyone in mind?
Angelus: You're in luck, my friend.
[Gage turns to look at Angelus and sees that he has disappeared]
Angelus: Just so happens...
[Gage turns back quickly and sees Angelus standing there in front of him in his game face]
Angelus: ... I'm recruiting.
[Gage looks horrified as Angelus grabs him and bites his neck]
Gage Petronzi: No!
[Buffy strolls out of the Bronze and hears Gage's screams]
Gage Petronzi: Ah! Somebody! Help! Ah! Help! Ah! Ah! Get him off me! Help! Ah!
[She rushes to his aid. Cut to Angelus. He drops Gage and begins to spit out his blood. He wipes his mouth and spits some more. Buffy comes running around the corner, and just as he looks up she does a roundhouse kick to his face. He isn't fazed, and just looks at her. She pulls out the stick holding her hair up and holds it ready to stake him as her hair falls down around her face]
Angelus: Why, Miss Summers! You're beautiful!
[He quickly bends down, picks Gage up and throws him at her, knocking her to the pavement. He spits a few more times and leaves smiling]
Gage Petronzi: [Buffy scrambles to her feet and watches him go. Gage gets up also and rubs his neck] Oh. Was that the thing that killed Cameron?
Buffy: No. That was something else.
Gage Petronzi: [confused] S-something else?
Buffy: Yeah. Unfortunately, we have a lot of something elses in this town. Good night.
[leaves]
Buffy: [Gage looks back and forth between Buffy and the direction Angelus went]
Gage Petronzi: Hey!
[Buffy stops and looks back at him. He goes over to her]
Gage Petronzi: [laughs nervously] Walk me home?
[She motions for him to follow, and they leave]

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Cordelia: [to Buffy] So he spit it out? I thought Angel liked blood.
Buffy: He used to.
Willow: Maybe his eyes were too big for his stomach.
Buffy: Or maybe there was something in Gage's blood that Angel didn't like. Say, for example, steroids.
Willow: That would explain all their behavioral changes.
Cordelia: And their winning streak.
Willow: So maybe whatever's in their blood is what's attracting this creature to them.

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