Cheers (TV Series)

King of the Hill (1985)

Shelley Long: Diane Chambers

Quotes 

• Diane Chambers : [to Sam, about the Playboy Playmates]  You could make love to all five of those women and I would feel nothing, as I'm sure would they.

• Diane Chambers : Carla, I don't think you should be engaging in strenuous activity when you're with child.

  Carla Tortelli : If I didn't do things with child, I'd never leave the house. The only thing I ever did without child resulted in one.

• Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso : Sam, are you really going to play in this charity game?

  Sam Malone : Yeah, you know I was out there warming up Coach, and my arm feels pretty good.

  Carla Tortelli : Are you kidding me? When a butterfly lands on a ball in mid-flight, it's not cooking.

  Sam Malone : All I care about is not embarrassing myself.

  Carla Tortelli : Good luck.

  Sam Malone : I have a right to be a little bit rusty. The only thing I've thrown in the past ten years is Diane's butt out of here.

  Diane Chambers : No Sam, you're thinking of the tantrums you threw when I walked out of here.

  Sam Malone : Ah.

  Carla Tortelli : [sarcastically]  You know, the only thing I enjoy hearing more than you two argue on the subject is hearing Cliff talk about Florida.

  Cliff Clavin : Well, as a matter of fact, I was just about to tell Normie here that Florida is a pollution-free state. You know, you know how they treat solid waste?

  Carla Tortelli : You said they treated you very well.

• Sam Malone : Sam, you are an attractive man, you have many friends, you have a lot going for you, but you have one miserable character flaw.

  Sam Malone : Gee, I wonder if I could coax you into telling me what that is.

  Diane Chambers : Sam, you and I dated for what seemed an eternity, and I think I know you pretty well. You get into a contest, and you'd rather die than lose. I'm surmising, but I think your fear of losing drove you to drink, and ruined your career.

  Sam Malone : I'm going to tell you something, and then I'd appreciate it if you leave. A little competitiveness is a healthy thing!

  Diane Chambers : Huh, but you have more than a little competitiveness. Sam, you're very sick.

  Sam Malone : I am not!

  Diane Chambers : Yes, you are, and I can prove it. Why did you play this game in the first place? To impress a bevy of buxom bunnies, who now will never speak to you again. You wanted to beat them more than you wanted to bed them.

  Sam Malone : Oh my god, I am sick.

  Diane Chambers : You're not actually sick, you just have a problem.

  Sam Malone : No, I know, I know, I know. I've always had it.

  Diane Chambers : You mean you approached games in the same way when you were a child?

  Sam Malone : Ahhh, especially when I was a child. My parents were kind of tough on me. I could never do anything to please them. I mean if I got a C in school, they'd say "Why didn't you get a B?", if I got a B "Why didn't you get an A?"

  Diane Chambers : And if you got an A?

  [Sam looks at her questioningly] 

  Diane Chambers : Sorry.

• Diane Chambers : [about Playboy Playmates]  What kind of culture do I live where they are the ideal woman?

  Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso : Well gee Diane, you've got to admit they are beautiful.

  Diane Chambers : Coach, take away all their make-up, all their expensive hair cuts and those bodies, and what have you got?

  Carla Tortelli : You!