Chico and the Man (TV Series)

Chico's Problem (1976)

Della Reese: Della Rogers

Quotes 

• Chico Rodriguez : What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the fights, with Louie?

  Ed Brown : Yeah, But I got a headache.

  Della Rogers : If I walked around with a personality like yours, I'd have a headache too.

  Ed Brown : [to Chico]  Look, Have you got any aspirin? I just ran out.

  Della Rogers : Try suckin' on the cotton. There's usually some crumbs left in that.

  Ed Brown : Why don't you go pick some cotton?

  Louie Wilson : Chico, This room has everything you need to git you what you need! On a scale from one to ten, I'd give this room a fourty-six! Ed, You sure built this boy a fox trap!

  Della Rogers : Louie! I'd expect to hear that kind of talk from somebody like Ed! But, Not from an intelligent gentleman like you! The young people, these days don't set traps for one another. They just let it all hang out!

  Louie Wilson : You know somethin', Della, If I'd had a pad like this when I was Chico's age, I never would've lived to be my age!

  Della Rogers : If you fellas keep hanging around and reminiscing, you're gonna miss the Main Event.

  Ed Brown : I have a good feeling the Main Event is gonna be held right here in this room.

  Chico Rodriguez : Ed, Good night.

  Ed Brown : Good night? Well, Let me tell you one thing. When I come back here, I'm gonna take a good look at that bed, to see if it's got any whitecap.

• Della Rogers : [to Chico, after seeing his new apartment]  You know, If I were ten years younger and you were two shades darker, we'd get it on!

• Della Rogers : [to Ed]  Somebody oughta lock your mouth, so your ideas never run out of it.

• Ed Brown : [Ed and Della arguing about accomplishments of men over women]  You ever hear of Betty Crocker?

  Della Rogers : Did you ever hear of The Galloping Gourmet?

  Ed Brown : Sure. He's the guy who cooks with Betty Crocker's recipes.

  Ed Brown : Ah, It took a man to discover America, didn't it?

  Della Rogers : Aah,But it took a woman to pay for the trip.

  Ed Brown : Can you run a four minute mile?

  Della Rogers : No... .Can you?

  Ed Brown : Could you become the King of Norway?

  Della Rogers : Could you become the Queen of England?

• Della Rogers : Chico, Tell me all about the dinner!

  Chico Rodriguez : We never got to it.

  Della Rogers : Well, That's good, isn't it?

  Chico Rodriguez : No. We never got to anything.

• Della Rogers : [about women becoming doctors]  If we had a little more 'galpractice,' there'd be a little less 'malpractice.'

• Della Rogers : [Reprimanding Ed for being so suspicious of Chico's intentions toward Lisa]  You're as suspicious of that boy as the FBI is of the CIA... .Do you want a sandwich?

  Ed Brown : No! I'm not hungry!

  Della Rogers : It's on the house.

  [Ed quickly turns toward Della's food truck] 

• Della Rogers : [Calling to Lisa in the office]  Lisa! Lisa! Come quick, Honey! It's Ed!

  Nurse Lisa Malone : What!

  [Della pulls Lisa to Ed, who is choking] 

  Della Rogers : He's out here, Honey!

  [Lisa performs Heimlich on Ed] 

  Chico Rodriguez : [to Ed]  You alright?

  Ed Brown : Oh Boy! Ah! I thought for a few minutes, I was a gonner.

  Nurse Lisa Malone : Ok. Don't try to talk. Just stand straight. Keep breathing normally.

  Ed Brown : I know if I lie down, somebody'll try to bury me.