- Riley Pringle: They just announced that we're going to be the ABC College Football game of the week.
- Coach Hayden Fox: Us?
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Holy mackerel.
- Dauber Dybinski: I gotta watch that.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Dauber, you're gonna be at the game.
- Dauber Dybinski: Oh, that's right, I'm gonna miss it.
- Assistant Coach Luther Horatio Van Dam: Miss it? You big dummy, you can tape it.
- Joel Anderson: In the past, how have you coped with your personal stress?
- Coach Hayden Fox: I got a divorce.
- Joel Anderson: That was it?
- Coach Hayden Fox: Yeah, pretty much took care of it.