- Hank Yarbo: [to Brent, about Oscar and Emma] You told me they were dying.
- Emma Leroy: Told him what?
- Hank Yarbo: Brent was convinced you were dying and was hoping to get your couch.
- Emma Leroy: Is that true?
- Brent Leroy: Everything except what Hank said.
- Brent Leroy: Most people your age have wills.
- Emma Leroy: What do you mean, our age?
- Brent Leroy: I said wage. People of your wage... bracket. Is what I said.
- Davis Quinton: [after he's broken the new breathalyzer] We just need to figure out a different test is all. What are things you can't do when you're drunk?
- Karen Pelly: Say no to pizza? Stop yelling at you for breaking my breathalyzer?
- Davis Quinton: No. Like play pick up sticks.
- Karen Pelly: I can play pick up sticks when I'm drunk, everyone can.
- Davis Quinton: Really? Hope I kept the receipt for the pick up sticks...
- Wanda Dollard: Hey, Lacey! I need your boards! I'm up to my armpits in bulletins!
- Brent Leroy: [to Oscar] That's almost 2 feet of bulletins.
- Brent Leroy: Actually, you know what, I don't like the bulletin boards. Too cluttery. I'm shutting them down.
- Wes Humboldt: You're just mad because Oscar and Emma wouldn't give you the couch.
- Brent Leroy: It's not about that!
- Someone in the crowd: Murderer!
- Brent Leroy: Who said that?