The Cosby Show (TV Series)
A Shirt Story (1984)
Bill Cosby: Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable
Photos
Quotes
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Cliff : No 14 year old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he is on stage with his four brothers.
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Cliff : No 14-year-old boy should have a ninety-five dollar shirt, unless he is on stage with his four brothers!
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Clair Huxtable : [Clair and Theo come inside the house with Theo bringing in a box containing a new shirt he just purchased at Bookman's]
[to Theo]
Clair Huxtable : I don't care what you say. I still say I should have gone in.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Hey! Back from shopping. How was it?
Theo Huxtable : Great! Only had one fight.
Clair Huxtable : Started the moment we left, and it hasn't finished yet!
[Theo sits with Cliff on the sofa]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Now, what happened?
Clair Huxtable : I took him to Bookman's, he told me I couldn't go in!
Theo Huxtable : Dad, Bookman's is a men's wear store.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [to Clair, clearing his throat] Men's wear store. No mothers allowed.
Theo Huxtable : She probably wanted to go into the dressing room with me.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Hey man, she goes in with me!
[nodding while looking at the box]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Is this the shirt?
Theo Huxtable : Wait until you see it!
[opens the box]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [to Clair] Have you seen it?
Clair Huxtable : [suspiciously] Through the window.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Alright.
Theo Huxtable : [to Cliff] At first, I felt funny about charging it. But after I said I was your son, they said, "No problem."
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Yeah. Well, they love me at Bookman's. I make the clothes look good.
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Theo Huxtable : [stands up and holds up a yellow long sleeve shirt with blue trim] Here it is.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : A-ha.
Theo Huxtable : Dad, when I wear this on my date with Christine, *ooh*, she is gonna die!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [grinning] Bookman's does it again! How much is it?
Theo Huxtable : See the label? Gordon Gartrelle! This is the shirt.
Clair Huxtable : Gordon Gartrelle is a big designer.
Theo Huxtable : Check out these details. Hidden buttons.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Um-hmm.
Theo Huxtable : Flap on the back.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Yeah.
Theo Huxtable : Two-tone pocket.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Work of art!
[pause]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : How much?
Theo Huxtable : But the real thrill, in fact, is pure silk.
[Cliff tries to grab the shirt]
Theo Huxtable : Are your hands clean?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Doctors' hands are always clean.
Theo Huxtable : I know why, they're always washing them!
[laughs and slaps his thighs]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Ha-haa. How much?
[louder]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : How much?
[slower]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : *HOW MUCH*?
Theo Huxtable : Dad, if you want quality, you're gonna have to pay for it.
[Cliff looks for and finds a receipt in the box, unfolds it and takes a long look it, then looks at Theo, who grins. Then Cliff looks at the receipt again]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : 95 dollars.
Clair Huxtable : Oh, well, there must be a pair of pants in there too!
[looks in the box and after not finding a pair of pants, gives Theo a cold stare]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [slowly to Theo] 95 dollars?
Theo Huxtable : Dad, the salesman said this will last a lifetime. And just think, if I live to be 90, that's about a dollar a year!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Theo, I don't have a $95 shirt, and I have a job!
Theo Huxtable : Don't you want something better for your son?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Sure. Do you want to trade your room for that shirt?
Theo Huxtable : No.
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Alright, then. The shirt goes back.
Theo Huxtable : But Dad, I told Christine I was getting a Gordon Gartrelle!
[Cliff takes the shirt, refolds it and puts it back in the box]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Tell Christine you lied!
Theo Huxtable : Dad!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : [emphatically] No 14-year-old boy should have a $95 shirt unless he is on stage with his four brothers!
[reaches in his pocket and pulls out money for Theo to take]
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : I'll give you 30 dollars.
Theo Huxtable : [stands up, incredulous] *Thirty*?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Alright, then-*FIVE*!
Theo Huxtable : Dad, for thirty dollars I can't even get a Gordon Gartrelle tie!
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : Oh, what are you? A personal friend of this man? Now, you take 30 dollars and get yourself a nice, 30-dollar shirt!
Theo Huxtable : Can you make it 35?
Dr. Heathcliff 'Cliff' Huxtable : I can make it *nothing*!
Theo Huxtable : Mom?
Clair Huxtable : I'd grab it!
Theo Huxtable : [takes the money] You guys are ruining my life!
[Cliff threatens to take the money back]
Theo Huxtable : But I don't mind!
