Daria (TV Series)

Esteemsters (1997)

Wendy Hoopes: Jane Lane, Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer

Quotes 

• Jane : I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.

• Helen : We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful and you just don't get it. What's wrong with you?

• Helen : But what does your self-esteem teacher say?

  Daria : He says I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child and replicate them... but I suppose Quinn's here to stay.

• Quinn : Nobody told me about any test!

  Daria : Don't worry; It's a psychological test. You're automatically exempt.

  Quinn : Oh, alright.

• [after Daria and Jane pass succesfully the self-esteem class, Mr. O'Neill congratulates them at the school assembly] 

  Mr. Timothy O'Neill : I'd like you to meet two students who have completed our self-esteem course faster than anyone ever before! Please, join me in congratulations as I present these certificates of self-esteem to...

  [Mr. O'Neill reads the names from a ticket, since he fails to remember faces] 

  Mr. Timothy O'Neill : ...Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane.

  [meager applause] 

  Jane : [shrugs]  Oh, what the hell.

  [Jane and Daria approach Mr. O'Neill and take their certificates. Jane steps up to podium, intending to turn the whole foolish event into a joke] 

  Jane : I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem.

  [Jane smirks at Daria, then launches into her act] 

  Jane : [wears sad expression]  On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel... kind of bad... like a big failure or something...

  [Daria smiles. The audience starts tittering] 

  Jane : I... uh... I want to go home!

  [Jane pretends to burst into tears, and runs off stage. The audience bursts out laughing] 

  Mr. Timothy O'Neill : Daria, wait!

  [Mr. O'Neill runs after Jane. Daria steps up to podium] 

• Daria : So what do they talk to the guys about?

  Jane : Room full of guys and a male teacher.

  Daria , Jane : Nocturnal emission.

• Jane Lane : [about Mr. O'Neill]  He doesn't know what it means, he's just memorised it.

• Helen : Daria, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand-new school in a brand-new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again.

  Daria : Not much chance of that happening... unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too.