- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: [Reading from a sheet] You too... can learn... to make...
- Daria: [prompting] Yes?
- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: ...friends. Making... friends... is...
- Daria: [taps foot impatiently] Fun? Interesting? Impossible?
- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: ...important. Friends can be... very...
- [clock ticks from 3:00 to 3:01]
- Daria: Useful? Supportive? Purple? What?
- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: You made me lose my place.
- [Grunts softly in frustration]
- Tiffany Blum-Deckler: Let's see... Making friends... is... important...
- Helen: "Your lack of interest in personal interaction makes you an ideal candidate for working with the dead." Daria, have you given any thought to your career plans?
- Daria Morgendorffer: I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the bucket.
- Helen: I can't believe you're not more ambitious.
- Daria Morgendorffer: You want me to kill people to drum up business?
- Helen: Daria, did you take a career aptitude test?
- Daria: I don't remember.
- Helen: So I have to call the school to get your results?
- Daria: If you so choose.
- Helen: Or maybe I'll just drop by in person, bring you a surprise snack for your lunch box, pop into class, and give it you myself.
- Daria: Alright, alright, that's check and mate.