Deadwood (TV Series)

A Lie Agreed Upon: Part II (2005)

Robin Weigert: Calamity Jane

Photos 

Quotes 

• [while working late at night in his cabin, Doc Cochran hears a thud, followed by Calamity Jane yelling at the passersby] 

  Calamity Jane : OW! Keep your fuckin' distance! Remain on your side of the street! Do not interfere with me in any way! Chinese cocksuckers! Ugh, Jesus...

  [Cochran comes out of his cabin to find a drunken Jane lying in the mud next to her horse, her foot tangled in the stirrup] 

  Doc Cochran : Well, you are an entangled inebriate, are you not?

  Calamity Jane : [slurring her words]  This happens to be a rig and contraption of my own devising against repeated accidental falls that has temporarily malfunctioned.

  Doc Cochran : Very well knotted.

  [he begins untying her] 

  Calamity Jane : I'm back in camp, Cochran, 'cause I'm dyin', and I need a place to breathe my fuckin' last. And not for no human aid or consolation.

  [Cochran struggles to untie the knot] 

  Calamity Jane : Jesus Christ, you're bad with your hands! If I wasn't practically fuckin' dead, I'd reach that knife and cut myself free.

  [she grunts slightly] 

  Calamity Jane : Yeah, I just farted, so what?

  [Cochran pulls the aforementioned knife out of a saddlebag] 

  Calamity Jane : Hey, hey hey!

  [she grabs the knife out of his hands] 

  Calamity Jane : Don't you disarm me, you cocksucker! Lift me up so I can cut myself free!

  [he gets behind Jane to pull her up by the armpits] 

  Doc Cochran : All right, ready?

  [he lifts her up, and Jane cuts the rope that held her in place] 

  Doc Cochran : All right now, get under here.

  [he lifts Jane to her feet by her armpits as she groans drunkenly] 

  Doc Cochran : Step inside and let me examine you. Even if you are past help, enhancing my understanding may allow others to benefit from your mortal illness.

  Calamity Jane : Do you mock me, cocksucker?

  Doc Cochran : No. Come on inside.

  [Jane nods] 

  Doc Cochran : All right. There we go.

  [he throws Jane's arm over his shoulder and walks her to the door] 

  Calamity Jane : [slurring her words again]  Promise when I'm dead, you'll plant me with a view of where Bill is.