Deadwood (TV Series)

Complications (2005)

Robin Weigert: Calamity Jane

Quotes 

• Hugo Jarry : I'm thirsty.

  Calamity Jane : Lie on your back, take aim and piss.

• Hugo Jarry : Will you two be quiet?

  Calamity Jane : Not only will we not be quiet, you frog-faced fuck. I'm gonna take this stick, and drag it back and forth across the bars of your cell.

  [Jane gets up and does so] 

  Hugo Jarry : I am not a prisoner. I am in protective custody.

  Calamity Jane : In care of a deputy deputized by the deputy sheriff, who orders you to shut the fuck up!

  [Jane hits the cell with the stick] 

• Calamity Jane : [On seeing that Fields is checking nervously, to see if anyone's watching]  Don't fuckin' look around! I don't care who sees a nigger drink' with me, or drinkin' from the same bottle, or... or... or how stupid his fuckin' outfit is!

  Samuel Fields : [boasting]  This here is the epaulet of a Union Army general!

  Calamity Jane : [pointing at her own rear]  And this here is the ass of a drunken shitbird!

  [They both smile, then Jane gestures tot the bottle] 

  Calamity Jane : Finish this with me... If you can sit besides someone, and not stink. Or fart.

  Samuel Fields : I been known to cut the odd fart. But they've never stunk.

  Calamity Jane : [puffing out her chest in pride]  I got that self-same gift!