Desperate Housewives (TV Series)
Live Alone and Like It (2005)
Shawn Pyfrom: Andrew Van De Kamp
Quotes
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Bree Van De Kamp : Reverend, I don't mean to criticize, but it sounds like you're giving up.
Reverend Sikes : Well, we can't force him on the path of righteousness. He himself has got to want to make the journey.
Bree Van De Kamp : Well, then, what do we do, just stand by while he starts dating boys?
[to Andrew]
Bree Van De Kamp : And by the way, the correct word is not "gay." It's "sodomy."
Rex Van De Kamp : We're in the middle of dinner.
Bree Van De Kamp : So?
Rex Van De Kamp : So, can you at least wait until desert before calling our son a sodomite?
Bree Van De Kamp : How you can sit there and be so casual is beyond me.
Rex Van De Kamp : For starters, I knew this dinner was a bad idea the moment you suggested it.
Bree Van De Kamp : Well, at least I'm trying to be pro-active!
Reverend Sikes : Please, there's no need to get upset.
Bree Van De Kamp : I am upset because there is a problem here and no-one seems to notice it but me.
Rex Van De Kamp : As far as I'm concerned, if Andrew is happy with who he is, then it is our job to support him!
[brief silence]
Bree Van De Kamp : [to Andrew] Your father is into S&M.
Rex Van De Kamp : Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp : He makes me beat him with a riding crop and I let him. It's no wonder you're perverted. Look who your parents are.
[Bree gets up and leaves]
Rex Van De Kamp : Excuse me.
[Rex leaves too]
Andrew Van De Kamp : [to Reverend Sikes] What a fun night. You know, we should really do this again sometime.
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Bree : Andrew, you remember Reverend Sikes, don't you?
Andrew Van De Kamp : Oh, come on.
Bree : Um, Reverend, why don't you, um, have seat, and I will get some refreshments?
[the reverend sits down at the dining room table where Andrew is sitting and Rex is pouring wine]
Reverend Sikes : Ah. So, Andrew, it's been a long time.
Andrew Van De Kamp : Yes. Yes, it has.
Bree : Would you like some water? I have flat or bubbly.
Reverend Sikes : Oh, bubbly, please. So, your mother tells me you've started having some sexual desires for other boys.
[Andrew stares at his mother who smiles back lovingly. Andrew looks at the wine]
Andrew Van De Kamp : I don't suppose I could get some of that.
Rex Van De Kamp : I'm gonna need every drop.
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Reverend Sikes : And over the years, we've had so many young people come to our ministry hating themselves for their unnatural desires, and within a few months, they've found an inner peace and a tranquility that is nothing short of miraculous.
Bree Van De Kamp : Oh.
[Bree reaches over and touches Andrew's arm. Andrew smiles back at his mother]
Reverend Sikes : And all it takes is a little faith and a desire to change.
Andrew Van De Kamp : I'm sorry, but I, I really don't want to talk about my sex life.
Bree Van De Kamp : Well, that's just too bad, because this needs to be discussed.
Reverend Sikes : Bree, please, let the boy speak. Go on.
Andrew Van De Kamp : Well, I appreciate your offer to help. I do. But I don't hate myself. So, I'm good.
Reverend Sikes : Son, I know what it's like to be a teenager. It's a very confusing time.
Andrew Van De Kamp : I'm not confused. I know exactly who I am.