The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

My Part-Time Wife (1964)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Millie Helper : Rob has heartburn?

  Laura Petrie : Mm-hm. And, you know, he didn't have it while Sally was there. It just started since then. No, he comes in the front door, slams it, says hi to me, doesn't kiss me, throws the paper on the table, and burps.

  Millie Helper : Mr. Class?

  Rob Petrie : [heard off]  Aw, doggone it!

  Laura Petrie : Ole.

  [Rob enters, slams the front door, says hi, throws his hat in the closet, slams the closet door, throws his paper on the dining table and burps] 

• Rob Petrie : This girl typed like the wind - she blew every word.

• Laura Petrie : Why won't you let me just try to help you?

  Rob Petrie : Honey, I just don't think you and I would be happy as marriage partners and as business partners.

  Laura Petrie : Isn't that silly, darling? Don't you realize that in the office you'd be the boss?

• [Rob and Buddy continue to search for a typist] 

  Buddy Sorrell : So far we've had a giggler, a gum-popper and a girdle-snapper.

  Rob Petrie : Do you know where we can find a typist that doesn't snap, giggle or pop?

• Laura Petrie : Mr. Petrie, I want you to know something - I love you.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, well, we'll put an end to THAT!

• Laura Petrie : The only reason I came here was to help you, and if I have annoyed you, I sincerely apologize, and to keep from causing you any further annoyance, I want you to know that I'm fired!

  Rob Petrie : [after she storms out]  You can't fire! I quit ya!

• Buddy Sorrell : Did you ever see a female lion protect her cubs?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Buddy Sorrell : Compared to Sally, that female lion was a pussycat. She just tore Parsons to shreds. She had him in such a sweat, his toupee slid off.

• [In trying to find the perfect girl to help Buddy and Rob at the office, Sally telephones Laura] 

  Sally Rogers : Oh, now, wait a minute, Rob. She didn't know I was gonna do this.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, yeah? How come she answered the phone, then?

  Buddy Sorrell : Maybe it rang.

• Laura Petrie : Well, I just thought it'd be a good idea to have a nice, neat, perfectly-typed list of foods, and - I don't know - I have a lot of time on my hands, like I do most every day, and I just wanted to do something constructive.

  Rob Petrie : Oh, good. We could use a new garage.

• Laura Petrie : I've been flaunting my success.

  Rob Petrie : You have, you know.

  Laura Petrie : I know, and I apologize, darling. I was just being female.

  Rob Petrie : Well, don't quit THAT!

• Rob Petrie : What is the main purpose in going to the Earth's center?

  Laura Petrie : To find out whether it's chewy or chocolate creme.

• Rob Petrie : You're not suppose to give reviews. You're supposed to type.

  Laura Petrie : But Buddy thought it was funny. Didn't you, Buddy?

  Buddy Sorrell : Don't get me in the middle of husband-and-wife arguments.

  Rob Petrie : What? This is not a husband-and-wife argument. This is boss and employee.

  Buddy Sorrell : Well, then I'm sorry, I gotta go with the employee.

  Rob Petrie : Well, I just don't agree with you, Buddy. I think it's not funny!

  Laura Petrie : Rob, I think you're being kind of childish.

  Rob Petrie : I am not being childish.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yes, you are. You're being childish.

  Rob Petrie : Uh, Buddy, this is between my wife and me, please.

  Laura Petrie : Rob, what is the matter with you?

  Rob Petrie : Nothing is the matter with me!

  Buddy Sorrell : Nothing? You're acting like you got a wasp in your underwear. Gee, all she did was offer some constructive criticism.

  Rob Petrie : Which was unsolicited.

  Laura Petrie : Ah, it was NOT unsolicited!

  Rob Petrie : Did... did you hear me ask her her opinion?

  [Buddy gestures that he's staying out of it] 

  Rob Petrie : Look, it's not boss-employee, it's not husband-and-wife. Just as a bystander there, did you hear me ask her for her opinion?

  Buddy Sorrell : All right, you didn't ask her.

  Rob Petrie : There, you see?

  Laura Petrie : All right. You don't have to yell.

  Rob Petrie : I'm not yelling!

  Buddy Sorrell : Yes, you are. You're yelling.

  Rob Petrie : Buddy, this is a family affair that doesn't concern you.

  Buddy Sorrell : [to Rob and Laura]  Look, will you excuse me while I go out and get a glass of beer. I hate crowds and the four of you are driving me nuts!

• Rob Petrie : I feel like a schoolboy in class on Parents' Day with my mother peekin' over my shoulder.

• Rob Petrie : Today you have been the most perfect person in the world. As a matter of fact, if you do one more perfect thing today, I'm gonna put my fist right through that wall.

  Laura Petrie : Rob!

  Rob Petrie : D'ya... d'yah, I won't. If I do, you'll probably re-plaster it perfect, and I'll feel even worse.

  Laura Petrie : Rob, what kind of an attitude is this?

  Rob Petrie : I don't know. I don't... know. It is a brand new one, and I'm no crazier about it than you are.

• Sally Rogers : Remember, I used to be on 4 times a week?

  Rob Petrie , Buddy Sorrell : Yeah.

  Sally Rogers : Now I'm gonna be on once a year.

  Rob Petrie , Buddy Sorrell : Once a year?

  Sally Rogers : Yeah. Every Halloween, he told me to bring my broom.