The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Man from 'Emperor' (1964)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : Hey, I just called to see if you started dinner yet.

  Laura Petrie : Why?

  Rob Petrie : Well, uh, uh, Drew Patton's here and he wanted to discuss that deal I told you about.

  Laura Petrie : Oh? Well, I thought you decided you didn't want to have anything to do with that magazine.

  Rob Petrie : No, honey, that was YOU who didn't.

• Drew Patton : Every guy - EVERY GUY - envies the kind of life I lead. Can you deny that, Rob?

  Laura Petrie : Rob aren't you going to deny that?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, huh, right, um, right after dinner.

  Drew Patton : Why, uh, why after dinner?

  Rob Petrie : Well, I'd... I'd like to deny it in such a way that I don't make Laura mad, and I, uh, save a little self-respect for myself, and Drew doesn't think I'm a sissy.

• Rob Petrie : [Rob is testing Florence's speed at taking dictation]  We the, uh, People, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, and provide for the common defense, promote the general wel... Am I going too fast?

  Florence : Not really.

  Rob Petrie : Well, what was the last sentence there?

  Florence : promote the general welfare and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

  Rob Petrie : I didn't go that far.

  Florence : I assumed that's where you were going. You weren't planning on making any changes, were you?

  Rob Petrie : No, no.

  Drew Patton : Thank you, Florence. That will be all.

  Florence : Shall I type that up for you?

  Rob Petrie : No, that won't be necessary. They, uh, have a copy in Washington.

• Rob Petrie : Do you guys think it would hurt my reputation any to be associated with this magazine?

  Sally Rogers : Well, depends on how good you look in a bikini.

• Rob Petrie : You know, the funny thing about that guy is that during college we all felt sorry for him. He was a bookworm, one of those real loners. I don't think the guy had a date through the whole four years.

  Sally Rogers : He was savin' it up.

  Rob Petrie : You know, I don't think he does half the things they print about him.

  Sally Rogers : Well, I don't think they print half the stuff he does.

• Drew Patton : Every guy in America gets vicarious kicks out of the way I live.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah, I see what you mean.

  Laura Petrie : You do?

  Rob Petrie : Yeah.

  Laura Petrie : You gets vicarious kicks out of the way he lives?

  Rob Petrie : Oh, I, no, I... I'm... I see... I see what... what he... means about them, honey, but I... guys, you know, who like that kind of... of a thing.

  Drew Patton : Uh, do you, uh... do you believe him, Laura?

  Laura Petrie : Oh course I believe him. Rob's never given me any reason not to.

  Drew Patton : If Rob says that, uh, he doesn't envy the kind of life that I lead, he's one of two things. He's either, um, a liar or he's, uh, scared.

  Laura Petrie : No, I don't think he's either one of those things.

  Drew Patton : Oh, in that case, he's dead.

• Coffee Girl : How would you like your coffee?

  Rob Petrie : Well... whatever takes the longest.

• Buddy Sorrell : Well, I think it's disgusting.

  Rob Petrie : Oh come on, Buddy, we can't sit in judgement on how another man lives.

  Buddy Sorrell : No, I just think it's disgusting I don't live that way.

• Rob Petrie : Well, Drew, haven't you ever found a girl you'd like to settle down with?

  Drew Patton : Oh, Rob, every day of my life.

  Laura Petrie : Well, then, how come you've never married one of them?

  Drew Patton : Because if I did, every husband in America would be upset.

• Drew Patton : We can swing tomorrow night.

  Rob Petrie : Okay.

  [on the phone with Laura] 

  Rob Petrie : Honey, that's okay, Drew and I will sw... go out tomorrow night.

• Drew Patton : She's our assistant dessert editor and formerly Miss April of 1960.

  Rob Petrie : 1960, and she still looks good.