- Dr. Robert Romano: You're one Grade A bitch. You know that, Kerry?
- Dr. Kerry Weaver: No, Robert. I'm your boss. And as long as I am, you're my bitch. Now, get your ass back to work.
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: Any questions?
- Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah, why is the board see-through?
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: So we can see through it.
- Frank Martin: Remind me not to get sick any time soon.
- Prosthetist: How's the stump feeling?
- Dr. Robert Romano: It's suffering from delusions of grandeur. It still thinks it's an arm.
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: [referring to her private letter from Carter] Has anyone *not* read this letter?
- Patient on gurney: [raising hand] I haven't!
- Dr. Eddie Dorset: [to Morris and Cooper, after Abby answers his medical question correctly] You two have just been nurse-slapped.
- Prosthetist: I can prepare another letter to the insurance company.
- Dr. Robert Romano: I've got two letters for the insurance company: F and U!
- Dr. Robert Romano: Do me a favor, will you, Coop? Air rescue's bringing in a bad MVA. Will you go up on the roof and wave in the chopper? And make sure you stand right in the middle of the landing pad so they see you.
- Dr. Robert Romano: Let's get a few things straight, all right, nut meat? One: we don't offer remedial medicine here. Two: you don't talk to me, I talk to you. Three...
- Dr. Nick Cooper: Should I be writing this down?
- Dr. Robert Romano: [shouting] Stay out of my face!
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: There is a drunk in Exam 4 that needs two more of Ativan.
- Nurse Edna: I'm sorry, dear. He's a putz.
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: Who, the drunk?
- Nurse Edna: That Carter boy. Too bad you didn't dump him first.
- Dr. Robert Romano: Did you get rid of those nurses?
- Jerry Markovic: Yeah. They went up to nursing administration saying something about hiring a hit man.
- Frank Martin: Hell hath no fury like an RN scorned.
- Nurse Abby Lockhart: I also have a guy in 2 who needs... something I can't read.
- Nurse Malik McGrath: What does that say, "nipple lips?"