Justin Long: Warren Cheswick

Quotes 

• Warren Cheswick : Some guys are losers, but I invent whole new ways of being a loser. I should be, like, voted into the Loser Hall of Fame.

  Ed Stevens : No, no. Warren, do you have any idea what you did here tonight? You did something that I never, never had the guts to do when I was your age. You seized the day. You stood up. You took your shot. You can sleep easy tonight, my man. No regrets.

• Warren Cheswick : What's the point? What's the point? I mean, Tim Cooper is an overdeveloped jackass. Tim Cooper is a self-centered thug. But at the end of the day, who does Jessica Martell leave the party with? Ding ding ding ding! Cooper, 'cause girls like Jessica Martell, they always leave the party with guys like Tim Cooper.

  Ed Stevens : Okay Warren, but there's one detail you got wrong there. This isn't the end of the day.

  Warren Cheswick : What is it then?

  Ed Stevens : It's just the first half. Guys like Tim Cooper, they always win the first half.

  Warren Cheswick : And what happens in the second half?

  Ed Stevens : Well in the second half, Tim Cooper winds up selling pharmaceuticals, spending all his time thinking back on how great high school was.

  Warren Cheswick : What about me? What happens to me?

  Ed Stevens : You?

  [He pauses, smiling] 

  Ed Stevens : You get the girl.