Dick Van Patten: Tom Bradford

Quotes 

• Nancy Bradford : [after being caught sunbathing topless]  All I took off was my top. You call that nude?

  Tom Bradford : I call it disgraceful. Oh, you've got more blouses in this house than anybody else. Unless you're in a bubble bath or the shower, I want you to wear one, do you understand?

  Nancy Bradford : I was just getting a tan for my job.

  Tom Bradford : Oh, no. Now don't tell me that the health food restaurant has gone topless.

  Nancy Bradford : Of course not, daddy. But my boss, Avocado Sunrise, wants all the waitresses to look as healthy as the food. And he says, strap marks clash with the sandwiches.

  Tom Bradford : Just because your employer has overdosed on alfalfa sprouts there's no reason to disgrace the family with semi-nakedness.

  Nancy Bradford : I was in the privacy of my own backyard.

  Tom Bradford : Correction, the privacy of my backyard where my daughters stay dressed.

  Nancy Bradford : Daddy, you're a prude.

  Tom Bradford : Better off prude, than half nude.

• Joannie Bradford : Dad, don't you think it's time you respected us as adults.

  Tom Bradford : When you are considerate of the people that you live with then I will respect you as an adult.

  Joannie Bradford : Okay, dad, okay.

  Tom Bradford : No, it's not okay. I don't consider this incident to be another insignificant transgression that can easily be overlooked.

  Joannie Bradford : Dad, I said I'm sorry, and I promise it won't happen again.

  Tom Bradford : That's right, it won't happen again. Not in the near future anyway because for the next three weeks you're grounded.

  Joannie Bradford : Grounded?

  Tom Bradford : Grounded.

• Susan Bradford : Oh, dad, you don't understand at all. He's not a nude stranger. His name is Danny, he happens to be my tennis partner. And he was hot and sweaty.

  Tom Bradford : So am I, under the collar.

  Susan Bradford : Oh, good grief, dad. He was just takin' a shower.

  Tom Bradford : Susan, do I have to remind you about the rules of allowing men up on the second floor in the vicinity of bedrooms.

  Susan Bradford : Dad, they don't even have those rules in colleges anymore.

  Tom Bradford : Right, that's their problem.

  Mary Bradford : Dad, don't you think you're overdoing this enforcer bit a little? I mean, he left five minutes ago and there's nobody upstairs now.

  Tom Bradford : That's not the point, the point is, suppose Elizabeth were to go upstairs and see a strange man walking around with a towel wrapped around him.

  Mary Bradford : Well, knowing Elizabeth, there probably be nothing left but the towel.

  Tom Bradford : Susan, I would appreciate a little more discretion on your part, when it comes to allowing strange men sweaty or not, to use the bathroom. Our family bathroom, to take a shower.

  Susan Bradford : Okay, dad.

  Tom Bradford : You know, our house is not a locker room.

  Susan Bradford : I get the message, alright?

  Tom Bradford : Good, thought you would.

  Susan Bradford : Phew, think will ever get him into the 20th century?

  Mary Bradford : Hmm.. Not till we get him out of the 18th.