- Leroy Johnson: Why you always got your head buried in this thing, what's this all about?
- Coco Hernandez: [indicating her trade paper] Leroy, get it straight, this is my bible, alright?
- Leroy Johnson: Bible? The first bible I've ever seen with ads for female mud-wrestling in it.
- Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky: Good answers aren't like trains. They don't arrive on schedule.
- [a beat]
- Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky: Come to think of it, they are like trains.
- Montgomery MacNeil: Places where the people are all facing in the same direction, they're magic. People just sort of become one, they unify. Cathedrals have it. Theaters... temples...
- Leroy Johnson: Toilets...
- Doris Schwartz: [to Danny] That is the most incredibly gross thing anyone has ever said to me! You are just the El Scuzzo of all time!