- Mr. Benjamin Shorofsky: Just because you're being logical doesn't mean I'm gonna let you win this argument. I am onto that trick!
- Doris Schwartz: Dwight, I'd offer you my body, but this is the library and they won't let us make a scene.
- Doris Schwartz: [to Bruno] Listen pal, I don't wanna depress you, but I thought I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said 'Honk if you hate Bruno.'