Father Ted (TV Series)

And God Created Woman (1995)

Pauline McLynn: Mrs. Doyle

Quotes 

• Mrs. Doyle : It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that"

  Father Ted Crilly : Yes, Mrs Doyle.

  Mrs. Doyle : "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language. "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the F-word father, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.

  Father Ted Crilly : Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle

  Mrs. Doyle : "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitch up your hole" That was another one.

  Father Ted Crilly : I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle

  Mrs. Doyle : "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.

  Father Ted Crilly : Is it Mrs Doyle?

  Mrs. Doyle : "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your ballocks out of my face."

  Father Ted Crilly : Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.

  Mrs. Doyle : "Ride me sideways" was another one.

• Mrs Doyle : I never thought we'd have anyone like her staying here.

  Father Ted : Hm? Oh, Miss Clarke, yes, it's very exciting isn't it? Famous novelist, here.

  Mrs Doyle : You've never read any of her books, have you, father?

  Father Ted : Actually, I'm a bit of a fan. That's where I was the other day - at her book signing.

  Mrs Doyle : Well, I'm very surprised to hear that, father. I didn't think you'd like that sort of thing. I read a bit of one of them once. God, I couldn't finish it. The language, unbelievable!

  Father Ted : It's a bit gritty, but that's the modern world, Mrs. Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : Ah, it's a bit much for me, father. "Feck" this and "feck" that.

  Father Ted : [uncomfortable]  Yes, Mrs. Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : "You big bastard". Oh, dreadful language! "You big hairy arse", "You big fecker". Fierce stuff! And of course, the f-word, father, the bad f-word, worse than "feck" - you know the one I mean.

  Father Ted : [becoming exasperated]  Yes, I do, Mrs. Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : "Eff you". "Eff your 'effin' wife". Oh, I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this 'effin' pitchfork up your hole", oh, that was another one, oh, yes!

  Father Ted : I see what you mean, Mrs. Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : "Bastard" this and "bastard" that, you can't move for the bastards in her novels! It's wall-to-wall bastards!

  Father Ted : Is it, Mrs. Doyle?

  [taking her arm and steering her out of the room] 

  Father Ted : Anyway...

  Mrs Doyle : "You bastard!" You fecker!" "You bollocks!" "Get your bollocks out of my face!" It was terrible.

  Father Ted : [finally gets her through the door and closes it]  Yes, you go and prepare for the nuns.

  Mrs Doyle : [from the next room]  "Ride me sideways" was another one!

• Mrs Doyle : I read a bit of one of them once. God, I couldn't finish it. The language! Unbelievable!

  Father Ted : Well, it's... it's a bit gritty, but that's the modern world, Mrs Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : Ah, it was a bit much for me, father. 'Feck' this, and 'feck' that.

  Father Ted : Yes, Mrs Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : 'Ya big bastard.' Oh, dreadful language. 'Ya big hairy arse, ya big fecker.' Fierce stuff. And of course, the F-word, father. The bad F-word - worse than 'feck.' You know the one I mean.

  Father Ted : Yes I do, Mrs Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : 'Eff you. Eff your effin' wife.' Oh, I don't know why they have to use language like that! 'I'll stick this effin' pitchfork up your hole,' oh that was another one. Oh yes.

  Father Ted : I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle.

  Mrs Doyle : 'Bastard' this and 'bastard' that. You can't move for the 'bastards' in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.

  Father Ted : Is it, Mrs Doyle? Anyway...

  [Father Ted starts to lead her out of the room] 

  Mrs Doyle : 'Ya bastard. Ya fecker. Ya bollocks - Get your bollocks outta my face!'

  [Father Ted leads her out of the room, and closes the door on her] 

  Mrs Doyle : [off-screen]  'Ride me sideways' was another one!