- Father Ted Crilly: Dougal, what's so special about July the 19th?
- Father Dougal McGuire: I don't now Ted, ya big bollocks.
- Father Ted: Did you bring the travel scrabble Dougal?
- Father Dougal: I brought the normal scrabble and the travel scrabble, Ted. The travel scrabble for when we were traveling, and the normal scrabble for when we arrived!
- Father Ted: Good man!
- Father Dougal: Ah, no, wait a minute... now that I think of it I didn't bring either of them! God , I'm an awful eejit!
- Father Dougal McGuire: That's nearly as mad as that thing you told me about the loaves and the fishes.
- Father Ted Crilly: Did you bring the travel scrabble Dougal?
- Father Dougal McGuire: I brought the normal scrabble and the travel scrabble, Ted. The travel scrabble for when we were traveling, and the normal scrabble for when we arrived!
- Father Ted Crilly: Good man!
- Father Dougal McGuire: Ah, no, wait a minute... now that I think of it I didn't bring either of them! God, I'm an awful idiot!
- Mrs. Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
- Father Ted Crilly: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
- Mrs. Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
- [She holds up a cupcake]
- Father Ted Crilly: No, thanks, Mrs. Doyle.
- Mrs. Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
- Father Ted Crilly: WHAT?
- Mrs. Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about? No, what d'you call them. Raisins.
- Father Dougal McGuire: What about Jack?
- Father Ted Crilly: Chances are he's gone back to Craggy Island. He's an amazing homing instinct. I wouldn't be surprised if opened the door to find him there with a big smile on his face and his arms outstretched to welcome us back.
- Father Dougal McGuire: What?
- Father Ted Crilly: Well, maybe not the smile on his face, or the outstretched arms or the welcome back. But he's probably there.