Father Ted (TV Series)

Night of the Nearly Dead (1998)

Dermot Morgan: Father Ted Crilly

Photos 

Quotes 

• Patsy : [At the end of their visit]  Thanks for everything, Father. Oh, and thanks for not mentioning Eoin's "problem."

  Father Ted Crilly : Oh yes, you mentioned that before. What was it?

  Eoin McLove : I have no willy!

• Father Ted Crilly : We need something that will keep them away from the house, something to distract them... but what?

  [Ted and Dougal sit there thinking] 

  Father Dougal McGuire : A diversion! That's what it's called, a diversion!

• Eoin McLove : [Father Ted on Eoin's quiz show]  Well Father, you've got 4 out of 5 questions right on your specialist subject, William Shatner's Tek Wars. So, if you get the general knowledge question right, the £500 will be yours. Oh no! People will think this is rigged. John Paul II. What was his name before he became Pope?

  Father Ted Crilly : [long pause across end credits]  Jim?

• Father Ted Crilly : Eoin!

  Eoin McLove : What?

  Father Ted Crilly : Don't eat the jam from the jar!

  Eoin McLove : You leave me alone. I can have you killed.