Filthy Rich & Catflap (TV Series)

Episode #1.4 (1987)

Nigel Planer: Ralph Filthy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Rich : [off screen]  Oh, I'm stretched on the rack of my own genius!

  Ralph Filthy : And what is wrong with the boy Richie?

  Edward Catflap : Well, he's trying to write a novel but he keeps on coming up against the same huge lack of talent.

• Richard Rich : Despairing of modern technology, I allowed my genius to flow through a simple, old fashioned medium. I dug out me old ballpoint.

  Edward Catflap : Oo-er.

  Richard Rich : Please Eddie, I'm not in the mood.

  Ralph Filthy : So you have written a nov then?

  Richard Rich : Better. I have mastered the highest and most complex art form known to man: I have perfected a game show formula.

• Edward Catflap : What about that dog you're supposed to wipe your bottom with?

  Richard Rich : If you are referring to the gorgeous little anthrax pup, Edward. It's got a toilet roll in its mouth, the idea is the paper's so lovely and soft, that...

  Edward Catflap : It's like wiping your bottom with a puppy!

  Ralph Filthy : Perhaps what they're saying is the paper's so bad, you might as well feed it to the dog.

  Richard Rich : Except they've got an elephant in the new ad, so where does that fit in?

  Edward Catflap : Urgh! I shouldn't think it would fit in!

  Ralph Filthy : No, they're saying "Feed the paper to the dog."

  Edward Catflap : "And wipe your bottom with the elephant."