The Flintstones (TV Series)

This Is Your Lifesaver (1962)

Alan Reed: Fred Flintstone

Photos 

Quotes 

• Wilma Flintstone : It's late. I've got your rocking chair made up for you.

  Fred Flintstone : Thanks, Wilma. The mystery guest asleep already?

  Wilma Flintstone : He left an early call for 11:30 a.m. He's got to get to work early...

  Fred Flintstone : [excitedly]  What?

  Wilma Flintstone : On a new crossword puzzle.

  Fred Flintstone : I got a couple of cross words for him.

• Barney Rubble : [about a man-eating barracuspid fish]  Hey, pretty fierce looking, huh, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : Hmm...

  Barney Rubble : Fred? What do you think?

  Fred Flintstone : Nah. After seeing Gypsum tear up 10 pounds of stegosaurus steak Friday, I wouldn't give this fish an even chance with him.

• Fred Flintstone : I told Wilma how she can economize and save 500 bucks a year on the grocery bill alone.

  Barney Rubble : Oh, you gonna cut out your midnight raids on the icebox?

  Fred Flintstone : No, I'm gonna cancel the big food disposal unit Wilma was expecting... her mother. She eats like a seven-year locust, only she comes here every seven months.

  Barney Rubble : You're lucky, Fred. Look at poor Harvey Boxite. He's been married 12 years and his mother-in-law only visited him once.

  Fred Flintstone : What's so bad about that?

  Barney Rubble : She came the day after they was married, and never left!

• Wilma Flintstone : You know, Betty and I were thinking, Fred, and we think Monty is becoming a lot of trouble.

  Fred Flintstone : Yeah.

  Wilma Flintstone : Something else. I don't want to upset you, but we think Monty is a confidence man.

  Fred Flintstone : No!

  Wilma Flintstone : Yep. And we bet that if you had let him jump off that bridge, he wouldn't have jumped off that bridge if you hadn't pushed him. And we think Monty thinks you think you owe him a living because you think you saved his miserable life.

  Fred Flintstone : I think you're right.

• Fred Flintstone : Where'd you and Betty go? Did you have a nice time?

  Wilma Flintstone : Awful. We missed you boys. I'm sorry we ran out on you.

  Fred Flintstone : Really? Well, I'm sorry I yelled at you.

  Wilma Flintstone : I don't remember your yelling at me.

  Fred Flintstone : Well, you weren't here, but I did.

• Barney Rubble : Yes, sir. I always say a couple of good nights sleep will straighten anybody out, except you, Fred.

  [a tired Fred mumbles] 

  Barney Rubble : Gee, your eyes look like someone pried the covers off two cans of red paint. Hey, uh, didn't you get any sleep last night either?

  Fred Flintstone : No.

  Barney Rubble : That's three nights running. You got insomnia.

  Fred Flintstone : No, I got a house guest.

  Barney Rubble : What's that got to do with it?

  Fred Flintstone : Did you ever try sleeping in a rocking chair without a safety belt?

  Barney Rubble : How come you slept in a rocking chair?

  Fred Flintstone : Because Wilma was sleeping on the couch.

  Barney Rubble : Well, how come Wilma was sleeping on the couch?

  Fred Flintstone : Because J. Montague Gypsum was sleeping in both our beds.

  Barney Rubble : Both beds? How come?

  Fred Flintstone : Because J.M. Gypsum got a bad back from sleeping on the couch, so now he has to sleep on the bias across two beds pushed together because Wilma feels sorry for him, AND BECAUSE I'M A BIG STUPID NUT!

• Fred Flintstone : Wilma, where's the sport section of the newspaper?

  Wilma Flintstone : I think Mr. Gypsum took it.

  [next day] 

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma, where's the last bottle of Rocky Cola I was saving?

  Wilma Flintstone : I think Montague took it.

  [next day] 

  Fred Flintstone : Wilma, where's that magazine I was reading?

  Wilma Flintstone : I think Monty took it.

  [next day] 

  Fred Flintstone : Oh, Wilma, where's that bottle of rat poison?

  Wilma Flintstone : Fred, you can't!

  Fred Flintstone : WELL, HE'S TAKEN EVERYTHING ELSE!

• J. Montague Gypsum : I see your scheme. You're trying to talk me into coming home with you. That's your game, isn't it?

  Fred Flintstone : Well, uh, uh, not exactly. You see, I already put my foot down about my mother-in-law coming to visit us.

  J. Montague Gypsum : Ah, you did right. Never admit an outsider into your cherished family circle. It's like letting a camel put his head in your tent.

  Barney Rubble : Hey, he knows your mother-in-law, Fred.

• Fred Flintstone : All right, all right. Where's Wilma?

  J. Montague Gypsum : Oh, you're back. You left in such a hurry, I didn't have a chance to tell you. Both of them left. Mentioned something about tired of being cooped up.

  Fred Flintstone : What did you say to Wilma? You made them leave. You did it.

  J. Montague Gypsum : What are you talking about, Ferdy?

  Fred Flintstone : The name's Fred. And I'm talking about my razor, my aftershave lotion, my smokes, my robe, my slippers, and a whole case of Rocky Cola. And when are you leaving? That's what I'm talking about!

  J. Montague Gypsum : Dear, boy. You have to expect these little annoyances when you have a house guest. I find you quite abominable, too, but let's make the best of it, shall we? We're both in this together.

  Fred Flintstone : What do you mean, both together?

  J. Montague Gypsum : Don't you remember? You saved my life, Ferdy.

  Fred Flintstone : The name's Fred! So let's call it even. You don't owe me anything.

  J. Montague Gypsum : Ah, but you owe me something. I was perfectly willing to jump off that bridge, and you stopped me. Therefore, my life is your responsibility.

  Fred Flintstone : You mean you're not ever going to leave?

  J. Montague Gypsum : Why should I? I've got food, shelter, and shaving lotion. Everything I need but a pinch of oregano. Waddle down to the store and get me some, will you, Fred?

  Fred Flintstone : The name is Ferdy!

• Fred Flintstone : Okay, let's synchronize our sundials. I got 10:35. What do you got?

  Barney Rubble : A migraine headache.