- Daphne Moon: You're so different from your brother.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Really? How so?
- Daphne Moon: Well, for one thing... you're alive.
- [they both laugh]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: You know, I can't believe there are still people who blame me for Niles's death.
- Daphne Moon: Oh, people will talk about anything. So you sliced him to ribbons with your wheat thresher. It was your first time farming, for God's sakes.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier? I thought you went to bed.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I-I had a rather bizarre dream.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Really? What about?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh...
- [long pause]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I'm not sure you'd really want to hear about this one, Niles.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, clearly it troubled you. It might help you to discuss it. You know how I enjoy interpreting dreams.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Mmm... Well, all right, uh... it took place in this very kitchen, and... I was married to Daphne and we were expecting a baby, and, uh... you were dead, and I killed you.
- [Frasier sits across from Niles]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, I can see how that might disturb you.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Indeed.
- Dr. Niles Crane: A man of your intellect having such an obvious dream.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I beg your pardon?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, come on. You're lonely, and you envy what I have. I was just hoping for something more complex, you know, a stairway leading nowhere or Mom giving you a physical.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, there were many other perplexing details that I left out. For instance, uh, well there was um... a wheat thresher and... some sausage patties. And Eddie was dead, too.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Ah, well, there's a real head-scratcher.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hi, Daph.
- Daphne Moon: What are you doing here?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Had a nightmare. Couldn't get back to sleep.
- Daphne Moon: [sitting] That's strange. Niles had a nightmare, too. And I just dreamt...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [interrupting] Niles had a nightmare?
- Daphne Moon: Mm-hmm.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What about?
- Daphne Moon: He dropped the baby and it shattered.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [chuckling] That's perfect. Wait a minute. How did he drop it? Was it from a height? In a crowd? Was there water involved?
- Daphne Moon: No, it was in the nursery.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [satisfied] Yes!
- [Niles enters]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh, hi, Niles! I understand you had a bad dream.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Yes, it was utterly inscrutable. There was a table saw and apple pies, and...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Spare me, Niles, you broke the baby. Now who has the obvious dreams?
- Dr. Niles Crane: It was still more interesting than yours.
- [to Daphne]
- Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier dreamed he killed me and married you.
- Daphne Moon: At least he wasn't cheating on me with the service people because I was fat!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Will you please stop blaming me for something I did in your dreams?
- Daphne Moon: So you admit it?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Daphne, Daphne, I will always find you attractive. Your dream shouldn't worry you at all. Unlike mine, I could very well turn out to be a bad father.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: At least you two can face your fears together. Whom do I have to hug away my nighttime terrors, hmm?
- Daphne Moon: Oh, boo-hoo, send yourself some flowers.
- Martin Crane: [putting a stop to Frasier, Niles and Daphne arguing with each other] What the hell is going on here?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, Dad, it's this infernal mountain air. It's giving us all nightmares.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: All of you?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, Daphne dreamed that she was terminally fat, Niles that he was going to be a bad parent, and... well, at least mine arose from a real problem, the fact that I will always be alone.
- [They start to talk over each other again]
- Martin Crane: Oh, geez, we come up here to relax, and you're arguing about your dreams?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well, dreams that reveal genuine anxieties, which...
- Martin Crane: Blah, blah, blah.
- [to Daphne]
- Martin Crane: You're going to lose your looks? Happens to everyone.
- [to Frasier]
- Martin Crane: You're afraid you're going to end up alone? You'll still have your family.
- [to Niles]
- Martin Crane: You're afraid you're going to be a bad father? Join the club. Now just clam it up and go to bed.
- [Martin leaves]
- Dr. Niles Crane: You know, I'm starting to regret inviting him up here.
- Martin Crane: You want to come with us?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No thanks, Paw... I'm fixing to get me some vittles!
- Ronee Lawrence: Is he going to talk hillbilly all weekend?
- Martin Crane: That's nothing, you should hear him during Renaissance Week.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I had yet another day with virtually no calls, it's getting harder to blame it on Roz.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [after Roz poses as a caller based on Thelma & Louise] Frankly, I thought you were more convincing last week as that teenager from the town that banned dancing, that's realism.
- Roz Doyle: That was Footloose!
- Roz Doyle: Kenny came down today and said if you don't get a call, you're fired.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well I wouldn't worry, we're bound to get a call.
- Roz Doyle: Really? Because we haven't had one in six months.
- [reveals the booth is covered in cobwebs]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Oh dear God!
- [phone rings]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What's that?
- Roz Doyle: It's the phone!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [picks up phone] Hello caller, I'm listening.
- [ringing continues]
- Roz Doyle: Not that phone, in there!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [runs into the booth where dozens of phones are on the counter, grabs them frantically] Hello? I'm listening!
- Roz Doyle: The black one!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello, I'm listening!
- Roz Doyle: Hurry! They're gonna hang up!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello, I'm listening!
- Roz Doyle: [dressed as Thelma & Louise with a Texas drawl holding a steering wheel] If you don't find that phone, I'm gonna drive this booth off a cliff!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [struggling with switchboard, near tears] I'm TRYING TO LISTEN!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: My date for Saturday night called to cancel because I am not her type. Oh, and guess what? Her honesty was not refreshing.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, Frasier, I have had... the worst day imaginable. I need a sherry.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Brace yourself.
- Dr. Niles Crane: [noticing the empty bottle] You always think it's going to happen to someone else.