Frasier (TV Series)

Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast (1994)

John Mahoney: Martin Crane

Photos 

Quotes 

• Martin Crane : Elaine's a buyer at Bon Marché.

  Frasier : Oh, really, really? I do-do a great deal of shopping there. As a matter of fact, I bought the comforter on Dad's bed there, and, well, I supposed you noticed that... maybe you didn't--I mean, I don't know if you had the lights on, or... I mean, I don't know how you like it... I mean, how you... light it! How you like to light it! -

  [Daphne puts a plate of sausages on the table] 

  Frasier : Oh, banger, Dad?

• Martin Crane : Hey, for your information, people of our generation think sex is a private thing. And I still think that's a pretty healthy way of looking at it. Sex is something between you and the person you're doing it to!

• Martin Crane : [to Niles]  All right, what's going on? Frasier wants me out of here because he has a date or something?

  Niles : I'm sorry, Frasier, he sees things that others don't.

  Frasier : Well, I'm sorry, Dad. I guess I should have asked you myself.

  Martin Crane : Oh, that's all right.

  [sitting in his chair] 

  Martin Crane : Yeah, I'll clear out. But just remember, one hand washes the other around here.

  Frasier : What does that mean?

  Martin Crane : Well, as long as I'm clearing out for you Friday night, you can clear out for me Thursday night. I've got a date with Elaine Morris from 1412.

  Frasier : Oh! Well, well. How long has this been going on?

  [In the background, Niles stands behind his chair, grinning widely] 

  Martin Crane : Oh, she's had me over for coffee a couple of times. Just thought I'd like to have her over here for dinner.

  [without looking back] 

  Martin Crane : Niles, wipe that stupid smirk off your face.

  [Niles looks offended] 

  Martin Crane : What do you say, Frasier?

  Frasier : Well, sure, Dad. I think that's terrific. Oh listen, if there's a lull in the conversation, we've got all kind of board games back here in the closet, we've got playing cards--does she like to play Canasta?

  Niles : Oh! And PBS is running a wonderful documentary on the swing bands of the '30s and '40s.

  Frasier : Ooh, wow...

  Martin Crane : Well, thanks a lot for all your help, boys, but I think we'll just split a bowl of creamed corn, rub a little liniment into each other's joints, and fall asleep drooling on the couch!