Frasier (TV Series)

How to Bury a Millionaire (1998)

Kelsey Grammer: Dr. Frasier Crane

Quotes 

• Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, we can't leave without seeing the apartment. Frank was kind enough to put on pants to bring us up here.

• Dr. Niles Crane : All right, that's it, enough is enough!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, who are you calling?

  Dr. Niles Crane : I am calling Maris! I'm going to beg her to take me back!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You don't want to do that!

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, yes, I do! Life with Maris wasn't so bad! It was my fault, after all! I was too rigid! I was always making demands!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles...

  Dr. Niles Crane : "Eat something! Unlock this door! Don't throw that!"

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I gather your financial situation's gotten a bit shaky.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh yes, ever since I rejected Maris's attempts to woo me back, she's been quite vindictive. She's frozen all the accounts! Sherry?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Thank you.

  Dr. Niles Crane : My salary isn't even covering my legal bills.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, what do you lawyers tell you?

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, mostly that my salary isn't even covering my legal bills.

• Daphne Moon : You know, it's funny how much Eddie misses that bird of Dr. Crane's. This morning, a pigeon landed on the terrace. Eddie jumped up excited, ran over and started barking at it!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Oh yes, he does that all the time.

  Daphne Moon : No, no, this was a different sort of bark, like...

  [excited] 

  Daphne Moon : "You're not my bird! Don't fly over here and get my hopes up like that! You're not my bird!" It was silly and sad at the same time, you know?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : [deadpan]  Firsthand.

• Dr. Niles Crane : I don't want to adapt! I want to go home!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles... you are home.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Well, where are my manners? Can I get you some toast?

• Dr. Frasier Crane : [Niles hangs up on Maris]  Well, good for you, Niles.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, the second I heard her voice I knew I couldn't go back.

  [looks at the room] 

  Dr. Niles Crane : But how am I ever going to live here?

  Martin Crane : Now, it's just temporary, Niles. She can't drag this divorce out forever.

  Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, Niles, perhaps this place is the price you'll have to pay for your freedom.

  Dr. Niles Crane : [pauses]  Well, it's worth that.

• Dr. Frasier Crane : I'm amazed you can hear it over in Mission Control!

• Dr. Frasier Crane : All right Niles, well today I'm going with you. It may be the only way you'll find a place.

  Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, you make it sound as if I plan to stay with you forever!

  Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I did notice you put a bottle of '93 Pichon Baron on the grocery list last night.

  Dr. Niles Crane : So?

  Dr. Frasier Crane : That wine's not even drinkable for two years!