Frasier (TV Series)
How to Bury a Millionaire (1998)
David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane
Photos
Quotes
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[Niles looks around his prospective apartment, which still has the previous tenant's clothes and things in it]
Dr. Niles Crane : This Gary seems to have left in an awful hurry. Did he leave no forwarding address?
Frank : [uncomfortable] Uh, he left a note, but... nooooo. No address.
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Dr. Niles Crane : Get me out of this hellhole!
Martin Crane : What did I say?
Dr. Niles Crane : I can't live this charade! I have tried, it's taking too much out of me!
Martin Crane : Now, Niles, this place is fine. Just remember the old saying: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Dr. Niles Crane : But, Dad, not everyone makes it into that second group!
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Dr. Niles Crane : All right, that's it, enough is enough!
Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles, who are you calling?
Dr. Niles Crane : I am calling Maris! I'm going to beg her to take me back!
Dr. Frasier Crane : You don't want to do that!
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, yes, I do! Life with Maris wasn't so bad! It was my fault, after all! I was too rigid! I was always making demands!
Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles...
Dr. Niles Crane : "Eat something! Unlock this door! Don't throw that!"
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[Martin is lost wandering around Niles's apartment]
Martin Crane : Niles, there's no door here, just a third bookshelf.
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, it's all right. The bookshelf is actually a secret passage.
Martin Crane : How do I get through?
Dr. Niles Crane : Just poke Mrs. Dalloway on the bottom.
Martin Crane : What?
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Dr. Frasier Crane : I gather your financial situation's gotten a bit shaky.
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh yes, ever since I rejected Maris's attempts to woo me back, she's been quite vindictive. She's frozen all the accounts! Sherry?
Dr. Frasier Crane : Thank you.
Dr. Niles Crane : My salary isn't even covering my legal bills.
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, what do you lawyers tell you?
Dr. Niles Crane : Well, mostly that my salary isn't even covering my legal bills.
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Dr. Niles Crane : I don't want to adapt! I want to go home!
Dr. Frasier Crane : Niles... you are home.
Dr. Niles Crane : Well, where are my manners? Can I get you some toast?
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Dr. Frasier Crane : [Niles hangs up on Maris] Well, good for you, Niles.
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, the second I heard her voice I knew I couldn't go back.
[looks at the room]
Dr. Niles Crane : But how am I ever going to live here?
Martin Crane : Now, it's just temporary, Niles. She can't drag this divorce out forever.
Dr. Frasier Crane : You know, Niles, perhaps this place is the price you'll have to pay for your freedom.
Dr. Niles Crane : [pauses] Well, it's worth that.
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Dr. Niles Crane : I'll never find anything tolerable in my price range. It's barely tolerable HAVING a price range.
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Dr. Frasier Crane : All right Niles, well today I'm going with you. It may be the only way you'll find a place.
Dr. Niles Crane : Oh, you make it sound as if I plan to stay with you forever!
Dr. Frasier Crane : Well, I did notice you put a bottle of '93 Pichon Baron on the grocery list last night.
Dr. Niles Crane : So?
Dr. Frasier Crane : That wine's not even drinkable for two years!