- William 'Will' Smith: [to Hilary and Carlton] It's Ashley. Look, you can't tell Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv, but she asked me to tell her about sex. I don't know what to tell her. I mean, she should hear it from somebody more experienced.
- Hilary Banks: Well, pardon me for being attractive. Look, I'm the wrong person. I mean, I tried to tell Carlton about sex and.. well, you know the rest.
- Ashley Banks: Hey, thanks a lot for helping me, Will. I'm so excited.
- William 'Will' Smith: Will you stop talking dirty?
- Philip Banks: Who's pregnant?
- William 'Will' Smith: Not me.
- Carlton Banks: Me either.
- Hilary Banks: I'm going to go on a limb and make that unanimous.
- William 'Will' Smith: Aunt Viv, Uncle Phil. Now, there's somebody in this house who needs to talk about sex and it ain't one of us.
- Philip Banks: But that only leaves.. oh, God, tell me it's Geoffrey.
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, look, Uncle Phil, now, just remember that sex is as natural as breathing.
- [Uncle Phil glares at Will]
- William 'Will' Smith: And I'm going to hold my breath 'til I'm married.
- Vivian Banks: You remember the first boy you had over to watch TV, Hilary?
- Hilary Banks: Please, I don't remember the guy I went out with last week.
- Carlton Banks: [to Ms. Rinkoff] Shall we step into your office and talk about asbestos?
- Ms. Rinkoff: Asbestos, huh? Last I heard, it was called knocking boots.
- Will: [Hilary is showing a very skimpy bottom-only bathing suit she just bought for Arnold Schwarzenegger's pool party] Oh darn, now Arnold will have to return his.
- Vivian: I kind of like it.
- Philip: I do, too. That's a good-looking hat.
- Vivian: It's Hilary's new bathing suit.
- Philip: When fish ride bicycles.
- Philip Banks: I still remember the night Ashley was born. She looked like a beautiful little black Winston Churchill.
- Carlton Banks: Hilary, as a loyal Republican and a staunch bush man, I'm warning you, don't do this.
- William 'Will' Smith: Oh, come on, Carlton, you're not a bush man. You're more like a pygmy.
- Vivian Banks: [to Ashley] We want to talk to you about sex.
- Ashley Banks: I know where babies come from. I took sex education.
- Philip Banks: I thought you took band.
- Philip Banks: Vivian, times have changed since you and I were young. Hell, they've changed since Hilary and Carlton were young. Well, a man's got to do what a man's got to do. You pack your bags. We are moving to Greenland.
- William 'Will' Smith: [when he sees Aunt Viv and Uncle Phil dressed in their tennis outfits] Hey, check it out, black folks playing tennis. I wonder if there's a white guy somewhere tap-dancing.
- William 'Will' Smith: [about Ashley] Look, well, somebody has to tell her. I mean, she won't do anything stupid if she has some good solid facts.
- Carlton Banks: Wrong, my hot-blooded cousin. If you tell her about sex, she's just gonna run out and do it.
- Hilary Banks: Oh, that's ridiculous, Carlton. We want to expose her to a realistic portrayal of relationships. I know. We'll rent "Pretty Woman."
- Philip Banks: Ashley, sweetheart.. now, before Kevin comes over, I think I should have a little talk with you about boys.
- Ashley Banks: Great, Daddy.
- Philip Banks: They're all dogs. Got it?