- Vivian Banks: [Will has snuck past Geoffrey and his aunt and uncle and is dancing on the stairs behind them] Good night, Will!
- Phillip Banks: You're grounded!
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Aunt Viv! UncIe Phil. Whoa, you got that mad Iook in your eyes. Let me guess. You grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake, am I right?
- Philip Banks: Will, why didn't you give that check to charity Iike I toId you to?
- William 'Will' Smith: What you taIking about? I did.
- Philip Banks: Don't stand there and lie to me.
- William 'Will' Smith: I'm not Iying.
- Philip Banks: I just got back from the club and I've never been so humiliated. I thought we had an agreement that that money was going to go where it was most needed. Now, you march upstairs and get me that check.
- William 'Will' Smith: Well, I can't. The money's gone.
- Vivian Banks: Will, how couId you have spent $1,000 aIready?
- Ramon: Wow, Will, you must be loaded! You spent $1,000 and had another $1,000 to give to me for basketball camp? I gotta raise your shoeshine rate.
- Carlton Banks: [to Will] Well, I'm all ready for Monte CarIo night. I've read this book cover to cover. Ask me about any odd combination.
- William 'Will' Smith: Okay, why is MichaeI Jackson hanging with that IittIe boy from "Home Alone"?
- Carlton Banks: This is amazing! Did you know the odds of getting hit by an asteroid are 1 in 6,000?
- William 'Will' Smith: Really? I'm feeIing kinda Iucky, man. Why don't you go outside?
- Vivian Banks: Phillip, HiIary wants to take us to the club for brunch.
- Philip Banks: After what Will did Iast night, they're aII going to be gossiping about us. Why put ourseIves through that?
- Vivian Banks: They won't be gossiping. Will gave the check back. Besides, peopIe at our cIub aren't Iike that. I mean, no one cared about Mrs. SiIverberg's divorce.
- Philip Banks: I heard she's been seeing the goIf pro.
- Vivian Banks: I heard her husband caught them in the utiIity cIoset.
- Hilary Banks: But did you know that both of them were wearing nothing but cIeats?
- Ashley Banks: It was the tennis pro in the steam room, but the cIeats part is right.
- [everyone looks at her]
- Ashley Banks: Kids talk.
- William 'Will' Smith: [about the book Carlton's reading] "How to Beat the Odds"? Sorry, C. No way to beat it. You're odd.
- Ramon: Hi, Ashley.
- Ashley Banks: Hi, Ramon.
- Ramon: Say, I've got a haIf peanut butter and jelly sandwich in my pocket with your name on it.
- Ashley Banks: No, thanks.
- Ramon: Wanna see my frog?
- Ashley Banks: I think I'll pass.
- Ramon: Man, those Iines kill on the jungle gym.
- William 'Will' Smith: [to Ramon] It's killing me how much you remind me of myseIf.
- Ramon: Why? 'Cause we're both down with b-ball?
- William 'Will' Smith: Well, no, 'cause don't nobody want to see my frog neither.
- Ramon: [to Will] See, man, one day, Ashley's gonna be breaking down my door 'cause I'm gonna save up money for basketball camp. Next thing you know, I'll be pIaying pro. You know my motto: "Keep your eyes on the prize."
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, man, that's kinda similar to my motto: "Keep your hands on their thighs."
- Ramon: [to Geoffrey] Oh, by the way, G, she toId me to teII you hello.
- Geoffrey Butler: Really?
- Ramon: No, I just wanted to watch the EarI Grey run through your veins.
- Geoffrey Butler: When we have chiIdren Iike that in EngIand, we encourage them to emigrate.
- Hilary Banks: Daddy, for "Monte CarIo Night", you're going to be the croupier de toilette.
- Philip Banks: Great. What'll I do?
- Hilary Banks: You'll make sure that there's aIways toilet paper on the rolls.
- Philip Banks: It's great to know that all those years of Iaw schooI are finally coming in handy.
- William 'Will' Smith: I ain't down with that oId country cIub stuff sitting around all night discussing mayonnaise with four white guys named Biff.
- Carlton Banks: Isn't Biff a riot?
- William 'Will' Smith: Why shouId I have to go to this stupid country cIub if I don't want to? How UncIe PhiI gonna pIay a nephew?
- Ashley Banks: How's Daddy gonna pIay a daughter? I can't beIieve he thinks I'm too young to gambIe. I've been eating Hilary's cooking since I was three.
- Geoffrey Butler: [to Ashley] Here is your ginger ale. Shaken, not stirred. I trust you won't be dancing on the tabIe with a Iamp shade on your head.
- Ashley Banks: I'm sorry, Geoffrey, but I'm sick and tired of men acting Iike pouty babies just because you beat them at something. Like the time I beat Bobby Greenspan at tetherball. After that, he toId everyone at schooI that I took steroids.
- Philip Banks: [to Will] You gave the money to Ramon?
- William 'Will' Smith: Well, you know, it's just a Ioan, till his sneaker endorsement comes through, you know, around 2010.
- Philip Banks: Will, that was very commendabIe, but that's not what that money was raised for.
- William 'Will' Smith: Come on, UncIe Phil. You said I got a break and I was supposed to give somebody eIse a break, so I gave the money to Ramon.
- Vivian Banks: He's right, Phillip. You did say that.
- William 'Will' Smith: Seeing as how you're in this extremeIy generous mood, I want to know if you was down with donating to the United Negro Nephew Fund. You know, they say a Saturday night is a terrible thing to waste.
- William 'Will' Smith: Now who's hotter than Madonna in a pointy bra?
- Crowd at the crap table: You are
- William 'Will' Smith: Just checking