- Philip Banks: [to Will and Carlton] I wanna know what excuse you two have for pulling such a stupid stunt.
- Carlton Banks: We needed the money.
- Philip Banks: For what? And I want the truth.
- William 'Will' Smith: All right, it's like this, Uncle Phil. See, Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.
- Philip Banks: Federal offense. Go on.
- William 'Will' Smith: Then we pawned Aunt Viv's bracelet to get the money for the stock.
- Philip Banks: Grand larceny. Impressive.
- William 'Will' Smith: Then, we lost the money, so we had to strip to get the bracelet back.
- Philip Banks: That would be indecent exposure. Is there more?
- Carlton Banks: I'm afraid so, Dad. We never got the clasp fixed on Mom's bracelet.
- Philip Banks: [starts to laugh] You never got...
- [Will and Carlton laugh with him]
- Philip Banks: I don't know what to say!
- [They laugh harder]
- Philip Banks: What can I do? What do you boys think I should do?
- William 'Will' Smith: I don't know, reward us for our honesty?
- [Will, Carlton and Philip laugh]
- William 'Will' Smith: Hey, it worked for the Beav!
- Philip Banks: The Beav!
- [They all laugh harder... until Philip bursts to his feet]
- Philip Banks: DO I LOOK LIKE A WHITE GUY NAMED WARD? Now you get that bracelet back and, for the next six weeks, I don't want to hear you *breathe*, or I'm calling the Feds myself!
- [Philip storms out]
- William 'Will' Smith: I-I guess this probably ain't the best time to tell him we ran over the mailbox.
- Geoffrey: It's called inside information and it's quite illegal.
- Carlton Banks: So is that French nanny you're dating.
- Geoffrey: ...Enough said.
- Carlton Banks: Granted, we are desperate for money, but maybe you should stop and think about the kind of life you'd be leading.
- William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, you're right. Dancing around in some cheap club while women put dollars down my underpants. I love this country!
- Geoffrey: [to Will and Carlton] Ahh, my financial advisors have arrived. Moron! Fat head!
- Carlton Banks: I didn't know the Dodgers were playing.
- Geoffrey: They're not.
- Vivian Banks: Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute!
- Carlton Banks: [covers himself up] Mommy!
- William 'Will' Smith: I thought you said it was illegal.
- Geoffrey: It is. God, how I love life on the edge!
- Philip Banks: This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey. You've outdone yourself.
- Geoffrey: You're too kind, sir. Moron! Fat head!
- Vivian Banks: Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?
- Geoffrey: I'm terribly sorry, madam, but it's the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded. However, I shall maintain my professionalism. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!
- Vivian Banks: Geoffrey, start buffing the silverware.
- Geoffrey: What the hell is your problem? You got bricks up your butt, you clown? Right away, madam.
- Woman at Ladies' Club: [after Carlton really gets into a strip dance for a frenzied crowd] TAKE IT OFF!
- Vivian Banks: PUT IT ON! Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute!
- Carlton Banks: Mommy!