Friends (TV Series)

The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate (1994)

Matt LeBlanc: Joey Tribbiani

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey : Hey, Phoebs, do you wanna help?

  Phoebe : Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

• Ross : [after he's broken up with Carol]  Hi...

  Joey : This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

• Chandler : Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.

  Joey : I will not take this abuse.

  [Walks to the door and opens it to leave] 

  Chandler : You're right, I'm sorry.

  [Burst into song and dances out of the door] 

  Chandler : Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy!

• Joey : Okay, Ross, you're gettin' a divorce, you're angry, you're hurtin'. Can I tell you what the answer is? Strip joints! Come on! You're single! Have some hormones!

  Ross : But I don't want to be single. I just want to be married again.

  [Rachel walks in wearing wedding dress] 

  Chandler : And I just want a million dollars!

• Monica : Paul, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.

  Joey : Hey, Paul, the wine guy.

  Ross : Hey, Paul.

  Phoebe : Hey, Paul.

  Rachel : Hi, Paul.

  Chandler : I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

• Phoebe : Ooh, ugh.

  [as Ross sits down on the sofa, Pheobe begins "cleansing his aura"] 

  Ross : Oh, no, no. Stop cleansing my aura.

  Phoebe : But...

  [she continues to "cleanse his aura"] 

  Ross : No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

  Phoebe : Fine. Be murky.

  Ross : I'll be fine, really, you guys. I hope she'll be very happy.

  Monica : No, you don't.

  Ross : No, I don't! To hell with her! She left me!

  Joey : You never knew she was a lesbian?

  Ross : [stares at Joey]  No! Okay? Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know. How should I know?

  Chandler : Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

  [everyone stares at Chandler] 

  Chandler : Did I say that out loud?

• [Ross is newly divorced from his lesbian wife] 

  Ross : You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.

  Joey : What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing. Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream. This is the best thing that ever happened to you. You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.

  Ross : I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

  Chandler : Stay out of my freezer.

• Ross : Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words "Billy, don't be a hero" mean anything to you?

  Joey : Great story, but I gotta go. I got a date with Angela... Andrea... Oh, man!

  Chandler : Andrea's the screamer, Angela has cats.

  Joey : Right, thanks. It's Julie. I'm outta here!

• Joey : [Monica has slept with Paul the Wine Guy on the first date]  That 'wasn't a real date.' What the hell do you do on a real date?

  Monica : Shut up and move my table back.

• Joey : All right, Ross, look, you feel a lot of pain right now, you're angry, you're hurtin'. Can I tell you what the answer is?

  [Ross gestures him to continue] 

  Joey : *Strip joints!* Come on, you're single, have some hormones!

  Ross : I don't want to be single, okay? I just - I just - I just wanna be married again.