- Rachel Green: [reading Chandler's card and trying not to cry] "Happy birthday, Grandma. It's better to be over the hill..."
- Rachel Green: [opens the card] "... than buried under it."
- Rachel Green: Y'know what? I am going to do something today. I'm not just gonna sit around like some old lady. I'm gonna get something pierced. Like my, uh - like my nose or my tongue, or something.
- Phoebe Buffay: Really? 'Cause you know that hurts.
- Rachel Green: So what? You know, the way I see it...
- [Phoebe pulls a hair out from the back of Rachel's head]
- Rachel Green: Ow. SonofaBITCH!
- Phoebe Buffay: Your middle name is Pamela?
- Ursula Buffay: Uh-huh.
- Phoebe Buffay: Wow - I never knew my middle name. Oh! Do you know my middle name?
- Ursula Buffay: Yeah!... Phoebe.
- Phoebe Buffay: Phoebe is my first name.
- Ursula Buffay: Oh! OK - then no.
- Tag Jones: Miss Green would like to establish some ground rules before she comes out. She would appreciate it if you didn't use the words "old" or"downhill", or "they still look pretty damn good".