Friends (TV Series)

The One with All the Resolutions (1999)

Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing

Quotes 

• Ross : I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, "No divorces in '99. Whoo."

  Rachel : But your divorce isn't even final yet.

  Ross : Just the one divorce in '99. WHOO. This year I'm going to be happy, I'm gonna make myself happy.

  Chandler : So, do you want us to leave the room?

• Monica Geller : I can't wait to see you. I'm just going to tell Rachel that I'm doing laundry for a couple hours.

  Chandler : Laundry. Huh. Is that my new nickname?

  [Rachel is shocked] 

  Monica Geller : You know what your nickname is, Mr Big...

  Rachel : AHHHHH!

  [hangs up] 

• [last lines] 

  Chandler : I can't take it any more! So you win, okay? Pheebs? Flying a jet? Better make it a spaceship so that you can get back to your home planet! And Ross, phone call for you today - Tom Jones, he wants his pants back! And Hornswoggle? What? Are you dating a character from "Fraggle Rock"? Ahh.

• Phoebe : My New Year's Resolution is to pilot a commercial jet plane.

  Chandler : That's great Pheebs, now all you have to do is find a plane load of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

• Joey : What's the matter?

  Chandler : We wanted to kiss at midnight but nobody else is going to, so, you know...

  Joey : Alright... I'll take care of it.

  Monica Geller : Joey! It's thirty seconds to midnight, what are you gonna do?

  Joey : Will you just trust me?

  [Heads to Ross] 

  Ross : 33, 32, 31...

  Joey : Ross, Ross, listen, who are you kissing at midnight, huh? Rachel or Phoebe?

  Ross : What?

  Joey : Well, you gotta kiss someone, can't kiss your sister.

  Ross : Well, who's gonna kiss my sister?

  Joey : Chandler.

  Ross : Oh, man, really?

  Joey : Dude, who would you rather to have kiss your sister, me or Chandler?

  Ross : That's good point. Well, since I have that whole history with Rachel, I guess Phoebe.

  Joey : Ok, great

  [Goes over to Phoebe] 

  Joey : Pheebs, Pheebs, listen. Ross wants to kiss you at midnight.

  Phoebe : It's so obvious, why doesn't he just ask.

  Joey : [Going over to Rachel]  Rache, Rache. Listen, I'm going to kiss you at midnight.

  Rachel : What?

  Joey : Everybody's gotta kiss someone, can't kiss Ross, you got the history.

  Rachel : So?

  Joey : So, who'd you Rather kissing you, me or Chandler?

  Rachel : Oh, good point.

  [Countdown is over and they all kiss] 

• Chandler : [frustrated from being unable to make fun of Ross]  Phoebs, you may know this, you know strange things. What is the boiling point of brain?