Friends (TV Series)

The One with Phoebe's Uterus (1998)

Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing

Photos 

Quotes 

• Joey : Guess what job I just got?

  Chandler Bing : I don't know, but Donald Trump wants his blue blazer black.

  [pauses] 

  Ross : What?

  Chandler Bing : Blue blazer back. He wants it back.

  Rachel : But, you said "black". Why would he want his blue blazer black?

  Chandler Bing : Well, you know what I meant.

  Monica Geller : No, you messed it up. You're stupid.

• Monica Geller : All right, I'm gonna show you something a lot of guys don't know. Rach, give me that pad, please?

  [Monica starts drawing on it] 

  Monica Geller : All right. Now...

  Chandler Bing : Look, you don't have to draw an actual wo... Whoa! She's hot!

  Monica Geller : Now everybody knows the basic erogenous zones.

  [She starts labeling them] 

  Monica Geller : You got one, two three, four

  [Chandler is shocked to find out there's more than three] 

  Monica Geller : , five, six, and seven!

  Chandler Bing : There are seven?

  Rachel : Let me see that.

  [Monica shows her] 

  Rachel : Oh, yeah.

  Chandler Bing : [Points to one]  That's one?

  Monica Geller : It's kind of an important one!

  Chandler Bing : Oh, y'know-y'know what, I was looking at it upside down.

  Monica Geller : Now, most guys will hit uh, 1-2-3 and then go to 7 and set up camp.

  Chandler Bing : That-that's bad?

  Monica Geller : Well if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.

  Chandler Bing : Well, you might if it were anything like 7!

  Monica Geller : All right uh, the important thing is to take your time, you want to hit 'em all, and you mix 'em up. You gotta keep them on their toes.

  Chandler Bing : Oo, toes! Well, for some people.

  [Chandler eyes her and her toes] 

  Monica Geller : All right. Umm, you could uh start out with a little 1, a 2, a 1-2-3, 3, 5, a 4, a 3-2, 2, a 2-4-6, 2-4-6, 4,

  [Rachel starts getting worked up] 

  Monica Geller : 2, 2, 4-7, 5-7, 6-7, 7.

  Monica Geller : [Starting to yell]  7... 7... 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7! 7!

  [Monica and Rachel both lean back on the couch satisfied] 

• Chandler Bing : I need to know what goes from "nice" to "My God! Someone's killing her in there.

• Phoebe Buffay : I'm gonna be giving someone the greatest gift you can possibly give!

  Chandler Bing : You're going to carry their child and get them a Sony Playstation?

• Monica Geller : Well big deal, so Joey's had a lot of girlfriends. It doesn't mean that he's great in bed.

  Chandler Bing : We share a wall. So either he's great in bed or she just likes to agree with him a lot.

• Chandler Bing : I know what to do with a woman. It's always nice... I need to know what makes it go from nice to "My God! Somebody's killing her in there!"

• Monica Geller : So, did you do it?

  Chandler Bing : Yes, we had the sex.

  Monica Geller : Uh oh, it was bad?

  Chandler Bing : It was fine, you know, but she didn't agree with me as strongly as she agreed with Joey.