- Dr. Ross Geller: What do you got behind your back?
- Monica Geller-Bing: Nothing. Just something I want Phoebe's opinion on for Valentine's Day.
- Dr. Ross Geller: You don't want my opinion?
- Monica Geller-Bing: Not really.
- Dr. Ross Geller: Come on, I'm your older brother. Ask me.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [showing him two lingerie dresses] Oh, okay, big brother, um... Which one of these would make your little sister look hotter so your best friend would want to do her?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [turns away, then says quietly without looking at her] The red one...
- [Chandler has just watched a woman giving birth on tape]
- Chandler: Before this, the most disturbing thing I ever saw was my dad doing tequila shots off the pool boy. Now, I'd gladly use that image as my screensaver.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [about childbirth] Chandler, it's a natural thing, it's beautiful.
- Chandler: Oh, you think this is beautiful?
- [turns the videotape on, sounds of a woman giving a painful birth]
- Monica Geller-Bing: Oh my god, no wonder my mother hates me!
- Chandler: See honey, there's...
- [puts his hand on her knee]
- Monica Geller-Bing: Don't touch me!
- Chandler: [after watching the birthing video and Monica doesn't know he saw it] Why did you get me this?
- Monica Geller-Bing: What is it?
- Chandler: It's yelling, bleeding... dilating. Oh, the dilating!
- Phoebe Buffay: [eating a piece of salt water taffy for the first time] What the mother of crap is up with this stuff? Is it gum, is it food, what's the deal?
- Phoebe Buffay: [swallows it] Oh, it's nice. Can I try a pink one?