- Dr. Ross Geller: Although if we're gonna do that, we should probably call me "Daddy" too.
- Phoebe Buffay: [sexy tone] Oooh, I like that, "Daddy".
- Dr. Ross Geller: I... I was just talking about Rachel.
- Phoebe Buffay: Oooh, is Daddy getting angry? Is Daddy gonna spank me?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [trying to be sexy] Well that depends, have you been a baaad gi...
- [stops]
- Dr. Ross Geller: no I can't.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [about Emma] How do you know she's gonna start talking?
- Rachel Green: Well, when I talk to her I almost feel like she understands what I'm saying.
- Chandler Bing: Kind of like Joey...
- Joey Tribbiani: Well before, with the wishbone, I didn't wish we would win the lottery. I wished you'd get the job.
- Chandler Bing: Oh yeah? Listen, don't tell Monica, she'll rip your heart out.
- [the friends enter Monica's apartment, counting lottery tickets and looking disappointed, except Phoebe, who looks happy]
- Phoebe Buffay: [quite pleased] What a beautiful night to be running around the street looking for tickets... and the wind sure made it fun!
- Monica Geller-Bing: [as-a-matter-of-factly] Phoebe, we lost half of them.
- Phoebe Buffay: [reasoning] So what? Monica, we *have* the winning ticket! My Psychic said I was gonna win, remember?
- Dr. Ross Geller: [on the contrary] Weird, your Psychic didn't mention anything about the scary pigeon.
- Phoebe Buffay: [defensively and then annoyed] As a matter of fact, she that's how I'm going to die... so, excuse me for being a little skittish!
- Chandler Bing: [looks at the answering machine] Hey, there's two messages. This could be from work!
- Monica Geller-Bing: [as Chandler goes over to the answering machine] Oh, play them.
- Chandler Bing: OK. Here we go.
- [Chandler presses the button and the answering machine beeps once]
- Answering Machine: [Phoebe's voice] Hello. Th-this is the pigeon from the balcony calling to apologise.
- [Chandler, Monica, Rachel and Ross look at Phoebe, who calmly acts as though she has nothing to do with it]
- Answering Machine: [Phoebe's voice] I sh-I shouldn't have knocked the tickets out of the pretty lady's hand. It-it was all my fault. Not hers. Bye. Coo.
- [everyone looks at Phoebe, who calmly acts innocent]
- Phoebe Buffay: [simply] Well, I bet that was very hard for him to do.
- [last lines]
- Joey Tribbiani: [meets up with the friends at Central Perk] Hey guys, so I just called the Powerball hotline. Can you believe it? *Nobody* won.
- Phoebe Buffay: Um, I beg to differ.
- [Phoebe holds up a plate with two muffins]
- Gunther: [passes by] Maybe nobody won the *jackpot*, but there was this guy in here earlier, and he found a ticket on the street, right outside and won $10,000.
- [Gunther walks off, Monica sighs in disbelief and she, Chandler, Joey and Ross look at Phoebe]
- Phoebe Buffay: [hides her mouth with her mug and speaks in a soft voice] Coo. OK. Don't blame the pretty lady. It's not her fault. It was me, the pigeon. Coo.
- [Phoebe lowers her mug, sees that Monica, Chandler, Joey and Ross are still looking at her and hides her mouth again with her mug]
- Phoebe Buffay: [soft voice] Seriously, stop staring at her.
- [Joey looks around for the pigeon and Phoebe continues sipping her drink]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [eagerly] We need to sort through the tickets as quickly as possible to see if we've won! So does anyone have any ideas how to organise this?
- [Joey is about to answer but Monica suddenly continues speaking]
- Monica Geller-Bing: OK how about this: We divide them into 6 groups of 40. The remaining 10 can be read by whoever finishes their pile first.
- Rachel Green: [raises her hand] Ooh I have another idea.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [smartly] I'm sorry. Idea Time is over.
- [disappointed, Rachel lowers her hand]
- Phoebe Buffay: [checking the tickets in Monica's glass bowl] OK. Well are *all* the tickets in the bowl?
- Monica Geller-Bing: Yeah.
- Chandler Bing: What about the ones you have on the nightstand?
- Monica Geller-Bing: There are no tickets on the nightstand.
- Chandler Bing: Yes there are. I just saw them a few minutes ago.
- [Ross silently gestures to Rachel to look in Monica's bedroom, which she does]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [trying to sound innocent] Ah... no you didn't. You must be mistaken.
- Chandler Bing: Honey, there were like 20 tickets on the nightstand.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [firmly] Chandler, sense the tone.
- Rachel Green: [walks out of Monica's room carrying extra Lottery tickets] Well! Well! Well! Look what Mommy found!
- [Phoebe, Joey and Ross gasp and look at Monica]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [annoyed] OK fine! I bought 20 extra tickets for me and Chandler.
- Phoebe Buffay: [gasps and points at Monica] My psychic also said that I would be betrayed.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [disappointed] I can't believe this. I thought we were all in this together.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [annoyed] Hey! You just got in 5 minutes ago!
- Dr. Ross Geller: [very annoyed] *Three* minutes ago! I don't know why that's important!
- Rachel Green: [suspicious] OK. Well Monica, suppose one of your *special * tickets wins. How are you gonna feel when you win the Lottery but lose all your friends?
- Monica Geller-Bing: [sarcastically] Oh please! If I win the Lottery, you guys are *not* gonna leave me. Someone gave me a basket of mini-muffins last week and I couldn't get rid of you for three days!
- Rachel Green: [crossly] Chandler! Would you just tell her what she did was wrong?
- Chandler Bing: [calmly to Monica] She's right. You shouldn't have bought tickets just for us.
- [Monica gasps]
- Chandler Bing: [calmly] Let me finish.
- [Chandler turns to the others]
- Chandler Bing: [suddenly smug] However, it doesn't look like I'm gonna get this job so I can't afford to have principles so SCREW YOU! THE TICKETS ARE OURS!
- [as Chandler speaks, he gets up, suddenly snatches the extra tickets from Rachel and stands next to Monica]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [proudly] There's the man I married!
- [Monica high-fives Chandler, taking him by surprise]
- Rachel Green: [to Monica] All right! Believe me, if you win the Lottery, it's the last you're gonna hear from us!
- Dr. Ross Geller: [in agreement] Hmm-mm.
- Monica Geller-Bing: [offended] Fine! Don't be my friends! I'll buy new friends! Yeah! And then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they'll look *just like you*!
- [Joey and Rachel gasp]
- Rachel Green: [picks up the bowl containing the tickets] All right! You know what? That's it! I want my share of the tickets!
- Joey Tribbiani: [takes the bowl from Rachel] Yeah! I want my tickets too! And I'm buying the Knicks and Steffi Graf! Ha! Ha!
- Dr. Ross Geller: [grabs the bowl from Joey] Then I want mine too and if I win, I'm gonna put it *all* in a very low yield bond!
- Phoebe Buffay: [gets up] You guys, we gotta keep all the tickets *together*!
- [Phoebe takes the tickets from Chandler, then takes the bowl from Ross and puts the tickets in]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [takes the bowl from Phoebe] No! No! We should divide them up and I should get extra because we used *my* car to buy them!
- Joey Tribbiani: [angrily walks over to Monica and takes the bowl from her] Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets, it should be me! This whole thing was my idea!
- Chandler Bing: [sarcastically] Oh yeah! Thanks for *inventing* the Lottery!
- Rachel Green: [impatiently walks over to Joey] That's it! Just give 'em to me and I'll split them up!
- [Rachel pinches Joey and takes the bowl from him, but Phoebe suddenly screams, takes the bowl from Rachel and starts running]
- Dr. Ross Geller: [to Phoebe] Hey! Hey!
- [Phoebe screams at Ross, who puts his fingers in his ears as she runs past him and stops near the window next to the secret closet]
- Phoebe Buffay: [exasperated] I can't take it anymore! I'm putting an end to this!
- [Phoebe runs to the window]
- Rachel Green: [calls] OK! If she jumps, I get her tickets!
- [Phoebe climbs though the open window onto the balcony as the friends run to the window]
- Phoebe Buffay: If we're not doing this together, we're not doing it at all! Say goodbye to your tickets.
- [Phoebe holds the bowl over the side of the balcony]
- Monica Geller-Bing, Rachel Green, Chandler Bing, Dr. Ross Geller, Joey Tribbiani: [stuck in the open window] No! No! No! No!
- Phoebe Buffay: [warning] Do not come any closer!
- Chandler Bing: Can I come a little bit closer? Valuable things are getting squished.
- Phoebe Buffay: [very firmly] Now what's more important? Your friends or money?
- Rachel Green, Chandler Bing, Dr. Ross Geller, Joey Tribbiani: Friends!
- Monica Geller-Bing: Money!
- [everyone looks at Monica]
- Monica Geller-Bing: [trying to look innocent] Friends.
- Phoebe Buffay: [as-a-matter-of-factly] And Monica, what about your extra tickets?
- Monica Geller-Bing: [protesting] They're all in there!
- [Monica then takes more tickets from inside her shirt and offers them to Phoebe]
- Monica Geller-Bing: Even these five that I hid in my bra!
- [the other friends gasp and Phoebe takes the tickets and puts them in the bowl]
- Dr. Ross Geller: [shocked] Monica!
- Phoebe Buffay: [firmly] OK! Good!
- [Phoebe holds the bowl away from the edge of the balcony]
- Phoebe Buffay: [suddenly happy] You guys were so scared! There was no way I was gonna dump this...
- [a pigeon suddenly comes out of nowhere, flies right past Phoebe and startles her, causing her to drop the bowl over the balcony and it smashes on the street]
- Phoebe Buffay: [simply to Monica] I think I broke your bowl.
- Dr. Ross Geller: [as the friends move away from the open window and run out of the apartment] Go! Go! Go!