Friends (TV Series)

The One with the Monkey (1994)

Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay

Photos 

Quotes 

• Phoebe : [new song]  I met a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitching / how was I supposed to know that my Mom was dead in the kitchen?

  [not popular] 

• Rachel : Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's?

  [They all hit her with pillows] 

  Rachel : Gee, what? What is wrong with New Year's?

  Chandler : Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops! Man, I'm talking loud!

  Rachel : Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you

  Phoebe : Yeah, you wish!

• Phoebe : Hi, Max!

  Max : Yoko!

  [looks at David:] 

  Max : I've decided to go to Minsk without you.

  David : Wow.

  Max : It wont be the same, but it will still be Minsk. Happy New Year!

• Phoebe : Hey, guys, I've got all new material tonight. I've got twelve new songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.

  Chandler : You might wanna start with the snowman.

• [first lines] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : [at the door]  Guys... there's a *somebody* I'd like you to meet.

  [enters - there's a monkey perched on his shoulder] 

  Monica Geller : [amidst positive exclaiming]  Wait. Wait. What is that?

  Dr. Ross Geller : *That* would be Marcel. Wanna say hi?

  Monica Geller : No. No, I don't!

  Rachel : Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?

  Dr. Ross Geller : My friend Bethal rescued him from some lab.

  Phoebe : That is so cruel. Why, *why* would a parent name their child Bethal?

  Chandler : Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on his ass!

  Monica Geller : Ross, is - is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?

  Dr. Ross Geller : Yeah, I mean, it's kinda quiet since Carol left, so...

  Monica Geller : Why don't you just get a roommate?

  Dr. Ross Geller : Well, no, I think you reach a certain age when a roommate is just kinda pathetic...

  [realizes whom he's talking to] 

  Dr. Ross Geller : Uh, sorry, that's "pathic", which is Sanscrit for "a really cool way to live."

• Phoebe : Hi Max.

  Max : Yoko!

  [referring to Yoko Ono as he blames Phoebe for having David choose between Phoebe and their trip to Minsk] 

• Phoebe : Look! Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candy canes!

  Rachel : Where?

  [Phoebe points] 

  Rachel : Oh. Well... that's festive.

• David : [scientist droning on]  But you can't actually test this theory, because today's particle accelerators are nowhere near powerful enough to simulate these conditions.

  Phoebe : [nods]  Okay, all right. Uh-hmm. I have a question then.

  David : Yeah?

  Phoebe : Were you planning on kissing me ever?